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1.
'The only thing grosser than a douche is an internet contest.'
2.
'My friends say I'm judgy, but I never listen to them or care what they say because they're stupid idiots.'
3.
'You can't be with Cedric if you're already with Ron.'
4.
'Don't underestimate the joy of a midnight bagel.'
5.
'And you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type.'
6.
'Shut up and listen to my wise reprise.'
7.
'You know, for the last few months I thought Rebecca Bunch was our problem, but it's not. It's you.'
8.
'My whole life is Mondays.'
9.
'Sorry I'm late, someone asked me to change the water cooler on the way in.'
10.
'I'm making pies for people I hate, which is mixed emotions for me because I like pie.'
11.
'Love doesn't have to be a person, it can be a passion.'
12.
'Two things are a lot for one brain.'
13.
'I gave him the key to my heart and now am giving him the key to my ap-HEART-ment.'
14.
'You are selfish and dramatic and weird.'
15.
'This is a song I wrote.'