Funny Newspaper Headlines

Hello!  I can post again, yay!  Anyway, for those who don’t remember me, you better remember me I was a blogger that posted Minecraft and Educational blogs in September and early October.  Then I was affected by the change.  Now, I can post again!  Weirdly, it’s four days early, but I’m not going to complain….

Also, according to my statistics, only a small percentage of people who actually read my blogs are subscribed.  It would really help out the channel.  It’s also completely free, and you can always change your mind later.  YouTube intro, I honestly don’t need subs

I’m not normally one to read the newspaper, but when I took a couple glances at it, I was surprised at how ridiculous some of the headlines were!  I decided to put them into a blog, so enjoy!

Dudley Dursley IV, fattest man alive, sinks the pacific island country of Nauru!  Scientists predict that the island will be submerged by the 3rd of December.  Locals of the island are being evacuated. Currently, Somalian pirates are flocking to the island to rob the vacant houses.  No news yet on the whereabouts of Mr. Dursley.

This one astounded me!  It appears the COTW quiz will need some updates soon….  Hope the locals were safely evacuated.  And boy must those pirates be tired after sailing over the Indian Ocean and Coral Sea.

Suspicious behavior has been recorded from the famed magician and the mascot of the fast food business McDonald's.  Banks where the two people live are being robbed, and both the suspects have become surprisingly richer.  Police are baffled about where the two could be hiding the money, and are yet to find it.  Experts are convinced though that the two have it.

I didn’t know Houdini was still alive…. I guess you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.  Well, I hope they get the dirt on McDonald and Houdini soon.

While skydiving over the Mediterranean, circus clown Mario Luigi found the lost city of Atlantis!  “Of coarse, that was my intent all along, I just did not reveal it to the plane pilot,” now famous Mr. Luigi reports.  However, passengers in the plane he skydived off report that he “landed with a loud satisfying splat in the ocean”.  Whatever the case, marine biologists are flying, driving, or riding Stellar’s sea cows to Atlantis’s location as I write.

Wow, this was really interesting news to read.  I was not one to ever believe and Atlantis, and I was certain that Stellar’s sea cows were extinct.

Note: This blog is a work of fiction.  If any offense is taken from this blog, say so in the comments and I’ll omit the offensive part.

(I was going to do five headlines, but then I accidentally hit submit instead of preview, so yah)