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1.”I may not be the tallest or the most athletic, but someday I will be the richest.“
Luke
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Joe
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Lily
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Manny
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2."Happy Valen-Birth-Sary!"
Phil
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Mitchell
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Claire
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Jay
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3."Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it."
Gloria
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Haley
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Cameron
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Phil
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4."This crazy bitch just messed with the wrong crazy bitch."
Haley
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Claire
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Gloria
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Sal
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5."it's a freak-show! But, it's their freak-show."
Gloria
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Jay
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Claire
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Alex
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6."She has super-good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact... wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait, are they? No, that wouldn't make sense."
Luke
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Haley
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Cameron
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Phil
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7."Act like a parent, talk like a peer. I call it ‘peerenting’."
Jay
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Claire
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Phil
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Cameron
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8."Well that's attractive. You look like a puppy with a slipper"
Cameron
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Jay
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Claire
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Mitchell
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9."There's a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don't want to still be here when they get sick of candy."
Lily
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Luke
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Manny
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Alex
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10."Wake up, Delgado. Black box? From Colombia? No more questions? It's obviously a human head."
Luke
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Jay
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Alex
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Claire
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11."If the men in this house don't start talking to me, I swear to God that I will make life miserable for each and every one of you!"
Jay
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Claire
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Gloria
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Haley
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12.“If you want to be truly happy in life, surround yourself with people who make you laugh. And also, people who bring snacks.”
Luke
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Claire
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Jay
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Phil
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13."Don't you have a fraternity to pass out in?"
Luke
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Claire
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Alex
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Haley
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14."We're gonna have to settle this dispute in court - the Food Court."
Jay
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Luke
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Cameron
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Phil
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15."“Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead.”