My Favourite Music #2: Ellen Joyce Loo

Ellen Loo, aka Rockmui (lit. "rock girl"), was a Canadian born Canto/Mandopop singer-songwriter. She started her music career at the age of 15 when she and Eman Lam formed the folk-pop rock duo at17 in 2002 (which I may write another blog later). The group split and Ellen started her solo career in 2010, as well as being a professional guitarist.

You can follow the link for her bio. Here in this blog, I'd introduce Ellen through her music.

Arrogant (link to MV on YouTube) was a Cantonese song from her album Riding on Faith in 2013. The theme was on the many reality contest TV shows, and urged those "losers" on maintaining their arrogant attitude towards their music rather than doing popular stuff to appease the masses. The lyrics played on the homophones beast (獸) and show (秀), so "be a beautiful beast" could also be read as "have a good show".

囂張 Arrogant

music by Ellen Loo, lyrics by Chow Yiu-fai

在頭上有花 突然就會開出晶瑩下晝
There are flowers on the head, suddenly blossming into a sparkling afternoon
右臂有些逆麟 破損受傷經常有
On the right arm there are some inverted scales; damages and injuries are common
在眉下有霜 突然落到心中鋪平內疚
There is frost under the eyebrows, suddenly falling into the heart and paving the guilt
就發怪的夢 就算尾巴獨角多罕有
Have a weird dream, even though tail and unicorn horn are so rare

若沒有人選你 就別靠人保佑
If nobody picks you, then don't rely on people's blessings
用鯨魚浮出水的溫柔 做美好的獸
With the tenderness of a whale emerging from the water, be a beautiful beast
若沒有人選我 但未夠人荒謬
If nobody picks me, but [I'm] not as absurd as the others
為著能夠 就有好理由
For that [we] can, there's a good reason
讓我邀請我們 走
Let me invite us and...go

大城沒耳朵 未能像我聽到音樂在奏
The big city has no ears, it can't hear the music playing like I do
盛世太少味蕾 你伸脷尖舔銅銹
In prosperity there are too few taste buds, you stick out [your] tongue to lick the patina
未來沒法選 但前面有一班珍禽異獸
The future can't be chosen, but in front there are a bunch of rare birds and beasts
就幹怪的事 就趁尾巴獨角還原後
Then do something weird, while the tail and unicorn horn are restored

若沒有人選你 就別靠人保佑
If nobody picks you, then don't rely on people's blessings
用白蛇盤於草的溫柔 做美好的獸
With the tenderness of a white snake coiling in the grass, be a beautiful beast
若沒有人選我 但未夠人荒謬
If nobody picks me, but [I'm] not as absurd as the others
為著能夠 就有好理由
For that [we] can, there's a good reason
沒有幾多要等候
There's not much to wait for

若沒有人選你 在暴雨狂風後
If nobody picks you, after the wild storm
用自由而囂張的溫柔 做美好的獸
With the free and arrogant tenderness, be a beautiful beast
若沒有人選我 但未怕人依舊
If nobody picks me, but [I'm] not afraid of people staying still
為著能夠 就有好理由
For that [we] can, there's a good reason
讓我邀請我們 走
Let me invite us and...go

Death Note at 29 (link to MV on YouTube) was released in late 2015 just before her 30th birthday. It was a period after she suffered from depression. She released her frustration by splashing paints on canvas, and got distinctive tattoos on her arms. Although the song title sounded negative, it was in fact a motivating song to mark her turning 30.

廿九歲的遺書 Death Note at 29

music by Ellen Loo, lyrics by Wyman Wong

將鬱躁滋味 紋上右臂
Take the feeling of depression and tattooed [them] on [my] right arm
不蓋掩 我傳奇
It doesn't cover my legend
不只有焦慮 還有樂器
Not only anxiety, there're also musical instruments
跟我走 赴遠地
Follow me, travel afar

重生 童年若不欣喜 何妨自今天起
Reborn. If childhood wasn't happy, why not starting from today
人生 人人話自三張起
Life. Everyone says starting from the 30s
不必 太悲
It doesn't have to be too sad

揮揮手 告別這字頭
Wave the hands and farewell this number [two]
今天起 快樂我自求
From today on, I seek happiness myself
不想將 畏懼當最知心朋友
[I] don't want "fear" to become my best friend
寫首歌 慶賀轉字頭
Write a song to celebrate turning to the next number
這雙手 決定以後不發抖
These hands decide not to tremble in future
捧著結他救地球
Hold the guitar and save the world

青春太鋒利 橫掃萬里
Youth is too sharp, sweeping thousands of miles
可擦穿厚面皮
Can wipe through thick skin
新天與新地 捱到斷氣
New heaven and earth, endure till suffocated
不退燒 便勝利
Don't stop the fever, that's victory

前傳 從前像詩傷悲 來年像歌哼起
The prequel. The past was sorrowful like a poem; next year will hum like a song
餘生 猶如盤未捉的棋 很多轉機
The rest of my life. Like a game of chess that has yet been played, there are a lot of possibilities

揮揮手 告別這字頭
Wave the hands and farewell this number
今天起 快樂我自求
From today on, I seek happiness myself
將漆黑當做發放煙花前奏
Let darkness be the prelude to the fireworks
寫首歌 慶賀轉字頭
Write a song to celebrate turning to the next number
這雙手 決定以後不發抖
These hands decide not to tremble in future
捧著結他救地球
Hold the guitar and save the world

揮揮手 告別這字頭
Wave the hands and farewell this number
好不好 印象我亦留
Good or bad, I make an impression
很多的 禮物儲夠傷疤才有
Many gifts require collecting enough scars to obtain
今天起 創造我字頭
From today on, I create my own prefix
很感激 背後五六七八九
Very grateful to the 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 [that will be] on [my] back
推動我飛上月球
Propelling me to fly to the moon

Not Far Enough (link to MV on YouTube) was a Mandarin song from 2016. She won the Best Musical Arrangement for this song at the Taiwan Golden Melody Award, where she came out as lesbian in the award ceremony and announced that she was married to her Taiwanese cinematographer wife. This song demonstrated her ambition in music and life in general.

還不夠遠 Not Far Enough

music and lyrics by Ellen Loo

知道跟真的了解有一段距離
There's a distance between knowing and really understanding
但也不遠
But these are not far apart
放棄跟真的不捨都有點迷離
Giving up and really reluctant to let go are a bit blurry
好比荒野 閉上雙眼
It's like the wilderness. Close the eyes

陸陸續續在眼前出現的迷戀
The infatuation that appears one after another
是場泡影
It's a bubble
掀起了一場風暴後你的心眼
After whipping up a storm [I see] the eyes of your heart
需要睡眠
[I] need to sleep
不要張開雙眼才發現
[I] don't need to open the eyes to discover

我們看見的宇宙是個平面
The universe that we see is a flat surface
哀傷的反面是快樂
The reverse of sadness is happiness
還有另外一個存在的畫面
There exists another picture
背著自己冒險 是我要的情節
Adventure on my own, this is the plot that I want
只管去冒險 看我越走越遠
Just go on an adventure. Watch me go further and further

曖昧跟真的相戀有一段距離
There is a distance between ambiguity and true love
但沒有界線
But there's no boundary

Light (in Cantonese) and Outside the Light (in Mandarin) were written from her wife's and her own perspectives respectively. These songs were supposed to be released in mid-2018, but few days before they were due, she jumped off from the roof of her apartment building while her wife was working in Mainland China on a movie set. She did not leave a suicide note. She was 32.

The tragic news shocked everyone, especially it was widely thought that she had recovered from her depression and had been an ambassador in advocating mental health awareness. These were the last MV she starred in, and these remain my favourite songs ever (not "one of"). I hope you like these too.

Again there are many other songs which I like very much, but I can't translate them all. Here are their links and brief intro:

• 只要美麗 As Long As It's Beautiful - love is beautiful regardless of sexuality, disabilities, physical appearance etc. A tribute to love by Ellen.
• 如果還有時間 If There's Still Time - "if there's still time to grow old...your smile will stay forever young". A touching song for her short life.
• 圓滑 Round and Smooth - a song about a self-abased person in a relationship. A stunningly simple and beautiful song.
• 卡帶 Stuck Cassette - a quiet song with beautiful piano arrangement, describing how a person got stuck in time in a lost relationship.
• 你根本不是我的誰 You Aren't My Anyone At All - a revolt from a self-deprecating partner in a dysfunctional relationship.
• 你的完美有點難懂並不代表世界不能包容 Your Perfection Is A Bit Difficult To Understand, Doesn't Mean The World Cannot Tolerate - another insightful song on mental health issue and what's considered "normal" in this world.
• 賣空氣的人 Air Salesman - an angry shout against pollution and man-made destruction of the planet.
• 荒原 Wilderness - a rather disturbing song on her mental state. It is the last song released before her death.