RUB Times | Senile Cows in the Himalayas + More!
First published: Wednesday February 9th, 2022
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Intro
So, because Ethaboo and Chen cancelled the funniest award, I’m trying for the best title by renaming Funniest Newspaper Headlines to RUB Times. And this time, there’s five headlines. Enjoy!
Bhutanese Cows Flee Into the Himalayas as Old Age Takes Them!
Cows from Bhutanese farms have escaped into the rocky mountainside of the Himalayas. The cow owners report that the cows were pretty old, and that the grass was eaten in some places spelling the words “We’re Retired”. Mountain Climbers have sighted the cows in the mountains living their final days in the hospitality of a yeti.
This is just confusing lol. So apparently, not only can cows escape their enclosures, but they know how to spell too! And cows can retire? And they live with a Yeti in the highest mountain range in the world? I think that I should go to bed, because I might be reading things wrong… oh well. 🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮
Dolphin Hair Wigs Sell For Thousands on the Blackmarket!
Smugglers have been stealing the hair of baby dolphins, making it into wigs, and selling it on the blackmarket! They have been selling for up to 2000 dollars, and it can only get worse, sadly.
Animal Abuse!!! This is just crazy, who would pay 2000$ for a wig made out of dolphin hair…. I think it would look kind of ugly, but I suppose I haven’t seen anyone wearing these yet.
Monkeys Use Spoon Catapults to Throw Applesauce at Zookeepers!
Zookeepers around the world have been reporting that their monkeys have been throwing applesauce at them with spoons! Experts assume that a unidentified terrorist is trying to strike fear upon the world by arming the monkeys with applesauce and spoons.
I like applesauce, do you? And what kind of terrorist operates by arming monkeys with applesauce and spoons? Wouldn’t they have to train the monkeys? These experts definitely don’t know they’re stuff… I hope. I’m going to go to my zoo now to see if things are amiss.
Shaved Tigers Loitering Around Taj Mahal!
Tigers have been sighted suspiciously hanging around the Taj Mahal, and that’s not it, people have reported that the tigers have no fur! Strange sights indeed….
Who shaved the tigers? Why the Taj Mahal? Are they dangerous? What are they planning? So many questions come to mind when I read this.
Tangerine VS. Orange Wars!
Uh-oh, I don’t want any fruit to feel bad when one side loses! Oh well, as long as they’re still available in the grocery store I’ll be happy! Because don’t we all like are citrus fruit?
Crossword Puzzle
A new crossword will be in every RUB Times!
Meme Section
Contains two memes I made.
Outro
I hope you enjoyed this edition of RUB Times! A new episode will come out every Wednesday. (This is Funny Newspaper Headlines, but with a different title, a crossword, and a meme section). Any suggestions? Post them in the comments!
This is kind of what i want to do with my linguistics series, except this one is funnier.
Maybe you can also have some actual news about the RUB. It would be fun to see since MrBlogger cant continue his news right now.