If Countries Were High Schoolers | Chapter 2

The bus stopped at a rather large mansion whose foundation was absolutely obliterated and the front yard grass was dead and shriveled up.

This was, of course, Nauru's house.

A morbidly obese Nauru attempted to waddle up the small steps on the bus but could not fit through the door.

The bus driver stood to pull Nauru through the door threshold.

Hungary bent over laughing uncontrollably while Poland glared at him.

"Yuo are such jerk, Hungary." Poland said disapprovingly, turning back around to talk to Colin.

"I am not care, yuo must of admit it was funny." Hungary replied unapologetically.

Nauru's eyes began to fill with tears as he barely fit between the seats. There were no empty seats left, but luckily Russia was there. Russia had been trying to get Nauru to join his friend group, and Nauru was slowly falling for his trap.

Russia stood up to find someone to force to get up.

He browsed the seats but could not find anyone he wanted to bully.

That is, until he saw Ukraine and Georgia.

"Get up." Russia demanded.

"NO!" Ukraine screamed back.

Russia grabbed Ukraine's arm and flung him out of his seat. Georgia did not want to be thrown as well, and so just picked up Ukraine and went to sit somewhere else. They ended up sitting with Azerbaijan and Moldova.

Nauru sat down in the now-empty seat and thanked Russia for his help.

"Of no problem, comrade." Russia waved and went back to sit next to Belarus.

"Must be nice having a bodyguard." Mauritania muttered in jealousy.

"I can put in a good word for you!" Nauru tried to cheer Mauritania up.

"I wouldn't chomp chomp get mmf involved slurp." Pennsylvania choked out while he ate his breakfast cheesesteak. "Russia's bad mmf gulp news."

"It is of fine. Russia is a good person." Nauru tried to convince them.

"Right, and Wyoming is a real person." Pennsylvania muttered sarcastically.

"You're right, that's such a weird myth. Who would be named Wyoming?" Nauru concurred.

"Wait, where's Connecticut and Massachusetts?" Mauritania asked.

"Didn't you of hear? They got ungrounded from when they destroyed the school vegetable garden, so they can use their cars now." Nauru said.

"I wish I of had a car." Mauritania sighed.

The bus pulled to a screeching halt, alerting everyone they had arrived at school.

"This school is so of boring. Is good for have Russia to make great evil and keep world entertain and full of drama." Russia laughed.

"Yuo of not as evil as me!" Iran yelled.

"I is of r*** baby in front of mother!" Russia exclaimed proudly while people looked at him disgustedly.

"I am of r*** little girl so be sure she is go to hell!" Iran shot back.

"I am of set up whole system of the concentration camp which allow me to make mass r*** to of men, woman, and child." China interjected.

Russia and Iran looked stunned.

Canada and Denmark were having a chat but Denmark needed to use the bathroom and left so Canada walked past Russia, China, and Iran.

"I am grow to hate yuo more every day. Tell to me of yuo evil deed so I can make use to it for propaganda." China demanded.

"Evil deed? Hmm... okay." Canada seemed to agree.

"Back when I was trying to populate the Arctic I kidnapped a bunch of Inuit and forced them to live in a frigid and barren settlement. I thought they'd use their sled dogs to escape so I killed them all. It worked great!" Canada reminisced fondly.

Iran, Russia, and China looked at each other eerily.

"Then when their kids inevitably got sick I'd take 'em to the residential schools, where we'd r*pe them!" Canada continued cheerily.

"I will gladly discuss my misdeeds! Admitting to them is the first step in accepting them and learning from them! This is progress." Canada finished lightly.

Russia, Iran, and China stared at her.

"What?" Canada seemed confused.

"Is great being ze most rich country in Europe." France moaned dreamily.

"Actually, Deutschland be of rich more." Switzerland pointed out.

"Oh, at least I of be most populate?" France asked.

"Deutschland still more." Switzerland replied.

"Well, I am bigger than Allemagne, yes?" France asked.

"Ja, but Ukraine be of bigger than yuo." Switzerland responded.

"Oh really..." France started walking towards Russia. "RUSSIA! I AM OF HAVE REQUEST!"

"Francia? Francia? FRANCIA!" Switzerland chased after him.

(Only 8 people to a table since they are circular)

Table 1: Russia, Belarus, Iran, Kazakhstan, China, Serbia, Kyrgyzstan, Cuba

Table 2: Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Mongolia, Pakistan, Armenia, North Korea, Afghanistan, Turkmenistan

Table 3: Venezuela, Myanmar, Laos, Eritrea, Syria, Namibia, Central African Republic, Vietnam

Table 4: Egypt, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Bahrain, Palestine, UAE, Oman

Table 5: Colin, Poland, South Korea, Hungary, Japan, Croatia, Georgia, Ukraine

Table 6: Norway, Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Estonia, Latvia, Iceland, Lithuania, Ireland

Table 7: England, Wales, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, Lightning, MiecraftMan

Table 8: Toowise, Wyoming, New Mexico, Delaware, Florida, Paraguay, New York, Bolivia

Table 9: Texas, Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, Qy

Table 10: Brazil, Mexico, Uruguay, Ecuador, Peru, Colombia, Chile, Argentina

Table 11: Blaze, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Turkey, Azerbaijan

Table 12: Nauru, Pennsylvania, Samoa, Mauritania, Kiribati, Papua New Guinea, Sealand, Nicaragua

Table 13: United States, Canada, California, Switzerland, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Israel

Table 14:  France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, Italy

Table 15: Montenegro, Slovenia, Serbia, Bosnia, North Macedonia, Greece, Cyprus

Table 16: Austria, Hungary, Czechia, Slovakia, Malta, Quebec,

Table 17: Croatia, Albania, Kosovo, Bulgaria, Romania, Moldova, Vatican City

Table 18: Louisiana, Missouri, Kansas, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, Vermont, New Hampshire

Table 19: Morocco, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Eswatini, Lesotho, Kenya, Ethiopia, South Sudan

Table 20: Chad, Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Africa, Libya, Nigeria, Somalia, Tanzania, Uganda

Table 21: Philippines, Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia, Bhutan, Bangladesh, India, Taiwan

The rest of the students change tables often. 

"Why did Norvegian bring sandpaper to desert?" Finland joked.

"I am of not know." Norway inquired.

"He thinkings it is of map!" Sweden laughed.

"Høhøhøhøhøhø!" Denmark laughed.

"Not funny." Norway grumbled.

"How do yuo sink Swedish submarine?" Denmark asked.

"Gib it Norvegian crew!" Sweden laughed.

"ROLOLOLOLO!" Finland bellowed.

"Of seriœslies, guys, is not of funnies." Norway grumbled.

"What yuo call someone of intelligent in Norway?" Denmark asked.

"A tourist!" Finland answered.

"Höhöhö!" Sweden laughed.

"That is of it." Norway stood up and stomped over to sit with France and Germany.

"Did we of go too far?" Denmark asked.

"Of maybies..." Sweden inquired thoughtfully.

"You know, Danmhairg, when ya speak, ye kinda sound like ye chokin' on a potato." Ireland pointed out.

"What? Das ridicolous!" Denmark yelled.

"Yo- mmph." Ireland began choking on his mashed potatoes.

"My beautiful language is hundred of years old and is of many pure, of no way a potato can make replicate of that!" Denmark yelled proudly.

"Ækkhk urghhhh... I ch-chokinggggg-" Ireland choked out.

"Oh, so yuo know bit of Dansk?" Denmark asked.

"Hek- help! KrRRRRRrRRR-" Ireland continued to choke.

"Hey, no needt to get politikal!" Denmark yelled.

"Æugkhtrrrr æårkt I'm errkhkh-"

"What the helv ist wrong with yuø?" Denmark asked angrily.

"Årktkhhhhhr-"

"DON'T bring my mother into dis!" Denmark screeched.

Ireland fell on the ground and passed out.

"Fine, be a jærk. I am of leave, hope you choke to dead on potato." Denmark got up and stomped off to find Norway.

"What vas dat all about?" Sweden asked.

"Where be Irlanti?" Estonia asked.

"Ireland?"

Students included: Brazil, Venezuela, Colombia, Suriname, Guyana, French Guiana, Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, Uruguay, Chile, Argentina

(i didnt write this lol)

Argentina: 

🎶When economia go all poop

And jobs felling in one swoop

If country es en turmoil

And cannot of bail out with oil 🎶

Brazil:

🎶Although our experience have told

That new day just as bad as old

It won't be better, just will stall

Until coup d'etat ruin all

Uruguay, Guyana, Suriname, French Guiana:

🎶 Corrupcion, drugs, police useless (pam pam)

No, nosotros cannot of clean such mess (pam pam)

Despite of efforts, effect nil (pam pam)

You should know of best, Argentina and Brazillllllllllll (pam pam)

Uruguay, Brazil, Argentina, Guyana, Suriname, French Guiana:

🎶Is there plus? you maybe say

One thing shining like dawn of day?

One thing that shall not lead astray

...

SI! At least you no be Paraguay!

Paraguay looked at them with utter contempt.

...

Brazil:

🎶 When mighty Brazil of fight the guerra

For show that Brazil strongest on Terra

Who was have losing all the way?

It was neighbor, Paraguay!

Argentina:

🎶 When Argentina dictador

To human rights I show the door

Who been such nice be even worse?

Paraguay, with the face of horse!

...

Paraguay began looking incomprehensibly mad.

The other kids in the class were laughing uncontrollably, especially Mexico.

...

Uruguay:

🎶Before me legalize of weed

Drug cartels was make me bleed

But even with narcoticos

Was still healthy than this chico

Guyana, Suriname, French Guiana:

🎶Think English, Dutch, French are funny

They mock us for we no Spanish

But at least we no Guarani

Language even worse than Danish!

Chile:

🎶All know about my HDI

Highest on continent is I

But which one be el lowest guy?

Naturalmente, es Paraguay!

Venezuela:

🎶Ahora am poor, pariah

And debt keep growing higher

Colombia:

🎶Tu moneys met their destruccion? 

Venezuela:

🎶Gracias por tu contribuccion...

...

But at least am having glorious past

Socialismo bloom very fast

Meanwhile Paraguay was be poop

Just like he will ever be!

Peru:

🎶Look at me, am llama king!

No one possesses more than me

You know who estar llamalles?

Paraguay! He is the mess

Ecuador:

🎶Let change topic and sing of me

Galapagos, a sight for see!

Chile, Peru, Argentina, Brazil, Uruguay:

🎶 No, Ecuador, yuo r*tarded

We will have your effort thwarted!

Bolivia:

🎶Not really know why me is here

Paraguay have won against me

Everyone else:

🎶Bolivia, you ruin song

Shut up and just sing along!

Everyone except Bolivia and Paraguay:

🎶Although Bolivia be exception

Due to her grande r*tardationnnnn

Others of us cheer when yuo sayyyyyyyy...

AT LEAST YOU NO OF BE PARAGUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

...

Everyone in the room began clapping loudly, and laughter echoed through the room.

Paraguay screamed in anger and rolled away in his wheelchair.

Everyone on stage bowed, except for Bolivia, who ran off to find Paraguay.

"Donde the hell es Paraguay?" Bolivia asked frantically.

"...Do yuo of smerr something burn?" Japan asked.

"Yah, me of smell something too." Sweden pointed out.

"Is it of hot in here?" Norway asked.

"I don't think of so- WHAT THE ****?" Bolivia wheeled around to see a horrifying sight.

Paraguay had lit one of the chairs on fire and now an entire corner of the room was burning.

Suddenly, the fire alarm sounded.

Students began running out of the door.

Serbia tried to throw Croatia into the fire.

"SERBIA!" The teacher screamed.

"Ugh." Serbia stomped out of the room.

Paraguay simply laughed maniacally while Bolivia wheeled him outside.

Ghana and Texas were the last two students out. The teacher ran out behind them.

When everyone was outside, everyone turned to Paraguay.

The firefighters were arriving on the scene, as were the police.

Colorado was going to snitch on Paraguay to the police, but Paraguay stopped him.

"Listen here, pendejo. If tu tell la policia that yo started that fuego, yo will of make killing to yuo. Es that what tu want?" Paraguay asked.

"N-no..." Colorado murmured.

"THEN NO SAY ANYTHING!" Paraguay yelled.

"F-fine..." Colorado stopped walking towards the police.

The teacher logged on the Zoom call and began explaining herself.

And also, Paraguay was suspended for a month.

"Hello, students. Unfortunately, since Paraguay burned down the entire school, we have to meet virtually until the school gets rebuilt."

"Now, take out your homework and your textbook." The teacher began explaining the lesson.

Most people were writing down notes. Everyone was required to have their camera on.

"CALIFORNIA! STOP GOING LIVE ON INSTAGRAM DURING CLASS!" The teacher screamed.

California groaned and slammed her phone down angrily.

"MEXICO! STOP SMOKING!"

Mexico threw his cigarette at the screen and left the call.

"YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE- okay." The teacher emailed the principal a referral for Mexico and then continued the class.

"IRELAND! YOU CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL IN CLASS!"

"I can do whatever de 'eck i want. Love'd see yah try n' stahp me." Ireland taunted.

The teacher sent Ireland an email for Zoom detention.

"You lettle betc-" Ireland began.

The teacher kicked Ireland out of the meeting.

"Anyway, as I was saying. y = mx+b..."

"COLIN! STOP PLAYING FORTNITE DURING CLASS!"

Colin put down the controller and scoffed.

"I SWEAR THIS IS THE WORST CLASS EVER!"

"THEN QUIT!" Kentucky yelled. "WE DON'T LIKE YOU, N' WE COULDN' CARE LESS IF YOU LEFT!"

"PERIOD, QUEEN~!" California swooned.

"SHUT UP CALIFORNIA!"

"Geez. Tough room." California muttered.

"Alright, class, today we will be talking about social constructs in society. Can anyone name one?"

Canada raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"Gender!" Canada yelled.

Sweden and Norway looked at her approvingly, while Utah looked pissed off and the Muslim kids started plotting to kidnap Canada.

"Okay... stupid liberal... another, please?"

South Africa raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Racism!"

"Um..."

Botswana and Rhode Island looked at South Africa weirdly.

Alabama and Tennessee looked approvingly at South Africa.

"MOVING ON! Another please... yes, China?"

"1989 be sociar construct." China exclaimed.

"Right..." The teacher looked away from the camera.

"Next... yes, Greece?"

"Debt be social konstrukt." Greece sighed.

"Mhm... by the way, yuo still owe club fees of totallings to €350." Belgium, as president of the EU, pointed out.

"I-i'll will of pay maybe nekst week?" Greece said insipidly.

"Moving on! Brazil?"

"Pandemic be of social construct." Brazil muttered.

"It's giving Republican. It's giving anti-mask. It's giving conspiracy theorist. It's giving-"

"Shut the hell up, California, for the 15th time this class period." The teacher burst out angrily.

"I'll take one last example... Russia?"

"Border be of social construct." Russia looked hopefully at Ukraine.

Ukraine shuddered in fright.

(i didnt write this lol) (remix of S*x Offender Shuffle)

Germany, Italy, Japan:

The United States has asked us to

Disclose of our wartime crimes to yuo

We made mistakes militarily

So now we forced to dance terribly- I mean merrily

We am not here to cause more trouble

We am forced to do Axis Offender Shuffle

Germany: 

Großdeutschland ist mein name

Die invasion of Polen is what brought ich fame

What ich did was nie justified

That's what the Allies think in zeir mind

Ich may have killed, cross some fences

Zat is ze extent of meine Axis offenses

Italia:

Viva italia, that what I-a said

When I-a make the rude wake of Greece in bed

I-a had some-a trouble in the desert

So I-a call my buddy Germania expert

And-a because of mine war time expenses

I-a now here to repent-a my Axis offenses

Japan:

Make hold the moment just really quick

Watashi am did nothing wrong, is nothing but lies against glorious Nippon

Why not look the Amerika crime war instead of us Axis member?

*United States enters and pulls a gun on Japan*

AM NOT HERE TO CREATE PRETENSES, AM HERE BECAUSE MINE AXIS OFFENSES

Germany, Italy, Japan:

Because of all ze bad things we did

And that they were not well enough hid

Since we were all of rule bender

We accept that we are Axis offenders

Hope you enjoyed! :D