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The motel lobby is dingy, with grimy speckles on the walls. You see rows of numbered key hooks on a slab of wood. Daryl is an elderly looking man who faintly smells of mothballs. A beautiful woman, who must be thirty years younger than Daryl, sits in a rocking chair next to him. Daryl remarks, “I have lots to tell you about! I love tellin’ pointless stories. Maybe one of my stories will help you out. Just say ‘story’ and a number, and I’ll story you good. Start with Story 1 if you please! I also love riddles and quizzes. I'm a quizzical, old fashioned gent. Anyway, you can't get a room until you can tell me the mystery room number! Just say, "I want room ___" and I'll give you the key if you're right. Heh heh. Good luck."
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Things You have Observed
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Command Prompt
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You say aloha to Barbara. “Aloha right back at you, handsome! But call me Barbie, handsome. Always--call--me--Barbie. Sure am glad to get a visitor way out here! Seems like we never get repeat customers neither. Can’t imagine why that is. I’d tell you more about the motel's secrets but my throat is dry as all heck.” She points to the opposite side of the counter. You see a water cooler and a mean looking bulldog curled up beneath it. You decide you'll have to get creative to get around that dog if you want to give... Barbie... some water.
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Aloha, Barbara
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You look more closely at the dingy walls. There is a painting of a single grape in a fruit bowl. There is a blown-up photograph of the couple and a bulldog. There’s a couple chairs and a table with some clutter in the far side of the room. A 1980s-looking water cooler suggests it’s an area for lounging. In front of you is the old man behind the desk and, presumably, his wife. You look more closely at the key hooks on the wall behind the counter. There is only one key, but its room number is scratched out with thick black marker. There’s a sign next to the key rack that says “Askaboutthebuilding”.
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Look Around
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The photo is of the couple and their dog. Tacky stickers spell out Daryl, Babs, and Chunk.
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Look Photo
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It's a key.
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Look Key
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It's Daryl. He's a wizened old man and he seems like he has always been a few bananas short of a bunch. You ask him if he makes money forcing his customers to solve riddles. The woman next to him chortles loudly and the man only lowers his head slightly.
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Look Daryl
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You pervert.
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Look Barbara
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You look at the dog. He seems cute but vicious. Daryl warns, "Hey, watch out for him. He's cute but he's vicious. Even if you offer him food, he'll bite ya if you don't call him by name. We trained him that way to ward off thieves and Belgians and such."
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Look Dog
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"Grape". It's like a sad version of what someone might paint in first year art school. Maybe it's beautiful. Probably not, though.
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Look Painting
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You look up. Oddly, the ceiling of this little motel is vaulted and goes up for about fifteen feet. You see some sort of dog treat on the edge of a joist. There’s even a place you could grapple to that looks like a hat hook. You try to “grapple hat hook” but nothing happens. Makes sense, since you don't have a grappling hook.
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Look Up
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You inspect the table more closely. It is a sturdy little table presumably for coffee, and even has a book, presumably to read while drinking coffee. There is also a display case and a single, solitary sock.
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Look Table
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It's really gross and actually a little wet when you touch it. You look anyway, putting it right up to your nose. This is what you decided to do, so you won't stop now. You touch it to your cheek. You'll pointlessly have the aura of dirty sock for awhile now. Good job.
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Look Sock
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You see a medal through the glass cover. It says, "Good Job - War Medal". You open the box and inspect the medal; a strong scent of copper burns your nostrils. Is this thing even real? There is a very strong looking length of rope attached to the medal. As you're about to take the rope for your own purposes, Daryl yells, "Hey, before you steal anything, you better clarify that you're borrowing it! If you want to 'Borrow [thing]', you better use its actual name, too!" He waves what looks like an antique pistol as he talks--you best follow his rules.
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Look Display Case
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The book is titled, “Mostly Useless Stories”, and it’s author is… Daryl. No last name. Not surprising. You probably could “Read Mostly Useless Stories”, but your memory will be filled with useless stories, so you might want to do this later.
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Look Book
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What, climb without a rope of some kind? You're not a ninja. You probably can't even do a pushup.
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Climb
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You flip through the book. It’s a bunch of mostly pointless stories written by Daryl. All of Daryl's pointless stories have been unlocked.
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Read "Mostly Useless Stories"
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You askaboutthebuilding. The man behind the counter firmly places his hands on the counter and says, “Look here, we are up to code! We have the correct number of doors. We have fire exits! We have the correct number of storeys! In fact, we ain’t even have a thirteenth storey, because it’s unlucky. So we replaced that storey with something more helpful. But that’s all I’ll say because building inspectors are a tricky bunch...”
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Askaboutthebuilding
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You now have possession of Daryl's... "medal lanyard". The dull purple lanyard has a sturdy metal clip that seems like it could be used to latch onto some sort of hook. What the heck kinda war was this? Anyway, you can probably "Lanyard Clip to [target]" if a climbing lanyard might be needed for, well, climbing I suppose.
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Borrow Lanyard
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You toss the lanyard up to the joist and shimmy up. It’s the best shimmying you’ve done in years. When you get to the top, you take the dog treat. It’s called a “Bulldog Bratwurst”. You could probably “Give [insert name] Bulldog Bratwurst” if you wanted.
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Lanyard Clip to Hat Hook
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Daryl refuses, saying, "I never eat sausage on the Lord's day, and, sonny, every day is the Lord's day."
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Give Daryl Bulldog Bratwurst
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She looks at you like you're a moron for offering a grown woman a dog treat.
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Give Barbara Bulldog Bratwurst
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You try to feed the dog, but he snarls at you viciously. You need to gain his trust somehow.
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Give Dog Bulldog Bratwurst
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You smell the dog treat. Even for a dog treat, it smells bad. Really bad. Some force compels you to begin nibbling away at the corner of the dogfood-grade push meat. If it smelled bad, it tastes even worse. It has definitely gone bad. You swallow anyway, and your body shuts down from acute food poisoning. Go ahead and refresh the webpage and start over because you have stopped being alive. You're on the honour system, so you better do it!
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Give Self Bulldog Bratwurst
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You lay a piece of bratwurst at the bulldog’s feet and say, “Here, Chunk.” He begins greedily gobbling down the sausage. He chews more slowly, before realizing that this dog treat is off. It was left on a ceiling joist for who-knows-how-long, after all. Good job, you've poisoned a dog. You can easily walk around the dog now that it's "indisposed," let's say. You now have a water cup. You can "Quench [person]" who is thirsty.
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Give Chunk Bulldog Bratwurst
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Chunk does not respond. He doesn't seem like he needs water right now...
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Quench Chunk
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You think about handing the water to Daryl, but he seems like he's almost moist all the time. You just plain don't like the idea of adding water to that mess. You hold onto the water for now.
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Quench Daryl
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Someone else could use this water more, don't you think?
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Quench Self
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You go to hand the water to Barbie, but she has you pour it into her mouth from above her head. Daryl doesn't seem to take too kindly to this, but it makes Barbie talk. She says, "I know all the secrets of this here motel. Just sign the guestbook with your God-given name, and I'll give you the secret. Here's the guestbook. Don't get tripped up now." She smiles slyly. Looks like you need to just "sign [insert God-given name]" and you're in.
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Quench Barbie
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Well hello Liam. But back to the quiz! The person in the motel needs to sign his name!
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Sign Liam
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No, genius, what is your actual name?
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Sign Insert God-Given Name
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Oh, wow, you're super clever. But not clever enough to meet Barbie's standards. Try harder, you clever boy, you.
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Sign God-Given Name
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You go to sign "Daryl". The sound of an antique pistol being cocked stills your hand. "I don't take too kindly to forgery, mister," Daryl growls.
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Sign Daryl
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Barbie leans forward and purrs, "What part of me do you want to sign, handsome?" Daryl gently lays a fireman's axe on the counter. You politely decline Barbie's offer. You best just sign your name in the actual guest book.
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Sign Barbie
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You think your mother named you "Hank"? Be more formal. Have some respect.
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Sign Hank Murphy
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"OK, sailor. By now, you should have looked up and looked around. But maybe you want to 'look out the side window'. This is a motel but we only have one room, if you couldn't guess by the single key. You can just look out the window there and see the room."
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Sign Henry Murphy
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You look out the side window. There is, in fact, only one room. It's number 14081408. Guess Daryl is a Stephen King fan. So what room do you want? I want room...
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Look Out the Side Window
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Daryl screams, "We got us a bingo! Good luck in the room! I mean, 14081408; it's double haunted. The ghosts are haunted by other ghosts, I reckon. Anyway, too late now! Goodbye!" With that, Daryl dissipates into thin air. What an odd turn of events. Guess you have your room, though. Good job. Just write out "I am a motel star" and all the clues will fill in. Or, you can go through and try to get what you missed. You know, like a smart person would.
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I want room 14081408.
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Daryl tells a story… “I’ll tell you what, I may look young but I fought in the war! Had to climb the cliffs of Dover during the battle! Won me a medal, too. I even got my medal lying around here somewhere. Along with my old climbing rope, but it's not no rope no more. And my hat! It’s a wonderful felt hat. Ooo, did it ever keep the sun off my nose in the war!” There appears to be a sombrero made of felt on the front desk. You don't see a medal. You might have to look around for that.
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Story 1
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Daryl seems excited to tell another story. “Of course, back in those days you could get a job the same day you got fired for gross incompetence! Yessiree Hank, I once got fired from a barbershop for snipping a kid’s ear off. They said I was the worst janitor they ever had! Well then I got a job as an army surgeon the same day! That’s how I ended up in the war!”
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Story 2
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Daryl leans forward, shadows elongating over his wizened visage. “Have you ever… have you ever hit a donkey real hard? I had a donkey named Deppy, and she was mighty stubborn. I clocked her once, and by gum… it… it made me feel alive. I got rid of that donkey. Cuz I felt the devil in me that day. Deppy still haunts my dreams.”
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Story 3
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You ask Daryl for another story. Maybe he will eventually say something useful, but most of his stories seem like they’ll be pretty useless. “I remember back in the good old days when living to 40 meant something! You had to have a good immune system and have good internal organs. These kids today all have internal organs like jelly cups! All wobbly. When my pappy died, his kidneys were hard as rocks! Like a man’s kidneys!”
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Story 4
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You begin to worry that without more information, you’ll miss which stories actually have useful information… if there is one. “I once met Orson Welles. He was in a sandwich shop in Hoboken, New Jersey. He had a Reuben sandwich with olives on the side, and every time he took a bite on the sandwich, he threw an olive over his shoulder onto the floor. He kept doing this, so finally I asked him, I asked ‘Orson Welles from War of the Worlds and Citizen Kane, why are you tossing an olive every time you take a bite of the sandwich?’ He called me a Belgian and took a swing at me! I woke up in Rhode Island with a dislocated shoulder.”
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Story 5
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You feel your life force fading as Daryl starts telling another story. “You know, sometimes you need to share two clauses that are grammatically separate but are closely connected in topic. That’s why I invented the half colon. It’s like a colon, but it also shows a dramatic change in grammatical structure like an em dash. It looks like —: . School kids laughed at me when I presented my idea to the school, but I don’t know why.”
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Story 6
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Daryl rattles off, “You see, the army drones all know where we live. I mean, for gosh sake, there’s a sticker on every orange. You can’t tell me that they don’t know what’s going on in the local market. Ever notice all the people? And mirrors to see around corners? It’s like a carnival fun house in there! Know what the army doesn’t track? Head cheese. It’s all I eat.”
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Story 7
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Daryl’s eyes go wide with terror. “I can feel the tongues a coming on! They’s a coming! … … Merle chantant au milieu de la nuit. Prends ces ailes brisées et apprends à voler. Toute ta vie tu n'attendais que ce moment pour surgir. Merle chantant au milieu de la nuit. Prends ces yeux enfoncés et apprends à voir. Toute ta vie tu n'attendais que ce moment pour être libre.” Daryl’s face has become distorted and sweaty. He slumps below the counter, and within several seconds pops up looking brand new.
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Story 8
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Daryl takes out a half-metre dagger and digs it into the table between his fingers. “What’s the highest stakes game you ever play? In the war, we’d play dead man’s digits. You ever wager a finger, fella? I have. I put up a pinky and two toes that June has 31 days. I don’t reckon I would make that wager again. Under pressure a man will belief anything to get at someone else’s sweet, sweet digits. Of course now I walk with a limp and can’t drink tea all fancy. War is hell.”
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Story 9
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Daryl goes white a sheet. You ask him if he’s doing OK, and he stammers, “Just a case of the typhus! I got it from Emperor Franz Joseph’s little brother! Old Karl Ludwig, you know. He liked swimming naked in rivers and ended up catching the Typhus from it. I don’t mind saying that I contracted the dreadful disease cradling his head in my arms. Guess I’m more of a Typhoid Mary for typhus since I haven’t succumbed to the illness yet.”
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Story 10
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A beautiful humming flows through the room like nectar and Daryl sways to and fro. He sings, “I met Miley Cyrus’s little brother and he taught me a tune of old longing and heartache. Sit right there, lend me an ear, and I’ll sing it to you awhile.” He continued singing in the style of an Irish lilt, “Now if she moves like this, will you move her like that? Come on, shake shake, shake shake a-shake it, shake for an Irish heart so true…”. He trails off. It was truly the most beautiful rendition of the song ever uttered.
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Story 11
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Daryl blew a little air between his lips melancholically. He lamented, "I used to be a world-class whistler, able to whistle any tune with perfect pitch. But I lost my ability to whistle when I ate a very hot curry one day. You think you know what a hot curry is, but this one made my lower lip numb. Now, all I can do is make a wheezing sound like an asthmatic cockatoo."
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Story 12
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Daryl leans forward and slaps his counter. He bellows, "You ever fight in a battle, sonny? The only thing that keeps you alive is your wits! And your weapon! All I had back in the war was my hat and my climbing rope! They're not easy to use, either! You can try to use my old war hat, but you can't throw a hat at the enemy, sonny Jim. No, you better believe a hat doesn't make a good weapon! Of course when all was said and done, I kept the hat and hooked my rope to the medal as a lanyard! That's how a climbing rope becomes a lanyard! Now it's only known as a lanyard! It's the best way to honour my own accomplishments!"
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Story 13
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Daryl takes out a corn cob pipe from below the counter and leaned back in his chair. He seems to grow a thicker Southern accent as he goes. "Y'know, I've been all over these backwoods here. Once I got lost, but I made a fishing rod out of my shoelace and a particularly hardy hangnail I had. I ate so many fish before I found my way out of the woods that I had gained three pounds."
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Story 14
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Daryl leans close to you and austerely whispers, "I am a national hero, but no one can know. I took a bullet for the president once. I can't go into details, but it involves me in some clothes I found at a thrift store and a bucket of hayseed. Let's just say that no one who speaks Belgian will ever trifle with me again."
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Story 15
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You ask Daryl if he had any stories that are actually helpful. He responds, "Sure I do. Why didn't you ask? I remember the first time I had to tame a wild stallion with nothing but a length of woven fabric and my gumption. I dodged and weaved, crept behind bushes, and eventually got right on him! Well, the stallion wasn't going to put up with that, and bucked me off. Then I saw the look of death in his eyes, and he chased me clean clear to Kansas City!"
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Story 16
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Daryl squints at you. "You want different kinds of stories, don't you. You want something a little more... Texas bold, don't you? Well I once rode a bull at the rodeo, but it had much more kick than I had anticipated. Well, I hung on for dear life and eventually that bull and I got along real well. They called off the rodeo because I had tamed the beast so well. My wife and I even rode it down the aisle on the wedding day. Tasted great, too."
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Story 17
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You rub your eyes and ask for yet another story. Daryl chirps, "A story'll do ya! I was at the general store the other day, and I saw a fella trying to buy a dozen eggs, but he didn't have the right change! So I offered to pay for them, but only if he could tell me what walks in the evening on two legs, on two legs in the morning, and two legs at night. He says a chicken. A chicken! Well that was the stuuuupidest daggun answer I ever heard, but I pitied the man and told him he had a bingo and I'd pay for him. Some people's children."
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Story 18
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You ask Daryl about his fighting days. He bolts up and excitedly recounts, "I was one time in a gunfight! It was a fight for the ages, I'll tell you what. It was a band of outlaws who I was fighting with, and they was gunning to gun me down! So I hid behind a big pile of rocks, or maybe boulders because they were awfully large. Anyway, I run outta ammo so I started picking up small little rocks off the ground and hucking them. I'll be darned if I didn't hit all them boys right in the eyeballs. Sent em; running off blindly into the woods!"
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Story 19
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Daryl whispered in my ear in a gravelly timber. "I know you just want my stories to end, so this is the last one. I married this woman because she was so lively and young. But we have nothing in common and I feel lonely sometimes. She doesn't even like my Quiz Hotel. She hates it, in fact. I do quizzin' to pass the time. So don't go talking to her too much or she'll just give you the correct room number to ruin my guessing game."
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Story 20
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I was stumped because I literally forgot to do the first prompt. After doing that, I got to the signing, but I got stumped because I couldn't remember what Hank was short for. Not that I tried this, but it seems like Harry should work too?
I might be blind, but I don't see anything about a table before Look Table. Same goes for the book.
I'd suggest swapping the column order. Some commands you may want to add:
Look self
Give self Bulldog Bratwurst
Look Counter
Sign self
Sign Daryl
In addition, Barbie should be a type-in for Barbara and Hank should be a type-in for self.
Sorry for all the text, thank you for this text adventure!