Space Chronicles - Episode III

In an alternate dimension

Random Human 1: Woah guys, with this new telescope we can see so much cool and far way stuff!!!

Random Human 2: Wow mate, that’s amazing!  But are those celestial bodies having a tea party???

In the real world

Random Human 1: *groans*.  I hate life on Mars.  Nothing new, no telescopes.

Random Human 2: Yeah, I feel you bro.  Earth was so much better.

Random Human 3: But there was wars on Earth.  Here we all live together.  *flashbacks to Svalbardian Americans nuking a third of Africa*.

Random Human 2: There were downsides, but at least we had water….

Random Human 1: Maybe we should invade Europa.  It’s not impossible to evolve into gilled fish.

Random Human 3: Oh yeah.  And we probably have the tech to do it!

Random Humans 1, 2, and 3 bring their ideas to the Mars Council of International Humans

Some guy on the council named Dave: Hmmm.  Wonderful idea.  We shall vote on whether to invade Europa.

The council votes, and it was unanimous to invade Europa

Dave: Ready the space shuttles!!!

The Andromeda Galaxy zooms towards the Milky Way

Andromeda Galaxy: Yeah baby!  This collision is gonna be sick!  Like, coronavirus sick!  It’s gonna be so sick that hotshot Milky Way will be blasted into nothingness by my amazing-ness!

Random Andromedan Star: Sir, your galaxy-ness, would you like more beans?

Andromeda Galaxy: Yeah man!  That’s fire.  Gotta do the collision before my iPhone runs out of battery.  Cuz, you know, we gotta catch this on the camera!

RAS tosses the Andromeda Galaxy a can of beans the size of ten black holes.

Andromeda Galaxy: Yo thanks man!  *eats the beans, farts, then gets launched 500 light years*

The dwarf planets try to convince Saturn to sign the paper

Saturn: Lets see, if you get Jupiter’s signature.  But only then.

Pluto: Ok, it will be seen to.

Pluto:  Oi!  Hey Jupiter!  Will you sign this paper to give us poor dwarf planets planet status?

Jupiter:  See, I’m already in a bit of a dilemma.  But maybe, if I granted you planet status, you could help me?

Makemake: Sure Jupiter!

Jupiter:  Ok.  Before I sign this paper, I want your oath that you will do everything in your power to prevent the humans from taking Europa.

Europa: Oh yes, I really don’t desire to be stolen.

The dwarf planets all swear they will help Jupiter defend Europa.

Jupiter: Wonderful!  I will sign your paper.

Jupiter, and then Saturn signs the paper. 

Mars: Well, some more planets?  Doesn’t harm me.  And I suppose since you guys are already working against the humans, your a friend of mine.  But would you be kind enough to get them off my planet as well?

Ceres: Sure!

Mars:  We’ll then, I definitely sign!

Mars signs the paper

Earth: I’m dying.  Face it.  I, sadly, won’t be alive much longer.  But it would warn my hearts to see four new planets in this world before I go.  I give you my signature and my wishes.

Pluto: Wait, four planets?

Earth: Oh no, no.  Pluto, you’re delirious if you thought I would allow you to be a planet.  And to you four, don’t trust Pluto.  He’s as devious and evil as he is greedy.

Earth signs the paper, but adds a note saying he is only signing for Makemake, Haumea, Eris, and Ceres.

Haumea: I’m sorry Pluto.

Haumea: Wait, where is Pluto?

Pluto is nowhere to be seen.

What will happen next in this world of celestial madness?  Is Pluto plotting revenge, or regretting his life choices?  When will the Andromeda Galaxy collide with the Milky Way?  What are the humans up to?  Find out, only in the Space Chronicles!  (New episode every 5 years).