If Countries Were High Schoolers - Profiles

Africa

Nigeria - He is the school con-artist. He came to the school telling everyone he was a prince, but he kinda sucked at the conning game because he screwed up his cover when he told others he was a king. Currently, has an ad on Craigslist to sell the Eiffel Tower for just 42,000 EASY payments of 99.99. Get that stuff now, before supply runs out.

Tunisia - He is good friends with Italy and Malta.

Guinea - Destined to be a miner just like her parents. Good friends with Liberia and Sierra Leone, randomly switching between the two in terms of who she likes more. Has adoration for Morocco and Ivory Coast and wants to be friends, but they basically just thank her and go hang out with their other friends, forgetting about Guinea like a lost puppy.

DR Congo - Father won the lottery at 21 but spent the entire check on a big mansion that burned down the next day, and now they are dirt poor. He used to be bullied really badly by Belgium in middle school.

Côte d'Ivoire - He can barely speak English and relies on Ghana to translate for him. Is really passionate about Michael Jackson and his music. Everyone always calls him by the wrong name, which upsets him a lot.

Somalia - He is a rule breaker and often bribe people to establish his own rules. He is an elite, thus he think the rules should not be applied to him. He often bribes teachers for better grades and it works because he is from an affluent family. Used to be friends with Italy. Pirates videos and games online.

South Africa - He’s the quiet kid, doesn’t talk much, but does like rugby. Is currently trying to figure out his nationality. Had a toxic relationship with the Netherlands.

Egypt - She used to be a very talkative and proud girl, but recently she’s been going through some mental health issues. Her childhood is very public for some odd reason and people love to talk about it. Despite these, she’s been improving herself and loves to hang out with Israel, Sudan, Libya and Palestine, although she has concerns about Sudan. Does not get along with Ethiopia.

Liberia - Major United States fanboy. Dresses like United States. Snuck spyware onto United States' phone to listen to his private conversations. Stalks United States, and takes the same classes he does, but gets bad grades.

Niger - Nice boy. Nobody will say his name out of fear of accidentally saying it wrong and being cancelled on Twitter by California.

Eritrea - Nobody wants to mess with Eritrea, he's got experience in hand-to-hand combat and gun knowledge. Showed Montana and Texas how to use guns.

Libya - Girl whose family used to be very rich from the oil industry, but lately has been experiencing some issues. She gets very good grades and used to be one of the most popular girls in school but has faded away with time. Got pregnant from doing risky behaviors with others at school and had an abortion, both of which earned her plentiful bullying.

Rwanda - The girl whose father is an alcoholic and hits her if she ever brings home a B or lower. Is a neat freak. Her mother was killed by white supremacists.

Uganda - Had to be put in special-ed after his mental state was reversed in a car crash with Tanzania and severe brain damage from his depression and self-harm. He’s a big fan of Sonic the Hedgehog, and has a crush on Knuckles. He also made his own charming action film using toys and figurines. Friends with Paraguay.

Ethiopia - Was practically forgotten and usually quiet until one day when Italy touched her inappropriately and she kicked him in the crotch. She was later admired but was conned by Russia into his way of living and later felt bad about herself and went on an anorexia diet. She says it makes her look better. Does not get along with Egypt.

Tanzania - Is not Muslim himself, but is very friendly with Muslim students. Is very anti-gay, which led to his main non-African friendships being Poland and Hungary.

Congo - Used to be one of Russia's yes-men in middle school. Is still really fond of Russia. DR Congo's slightly richer, kind of angsty cousin.

Zimbabwe - She is usually the last in everything and has a horrible sense of numbers, always thinking that everything is expensive.

Sudan - Tried to control her little brother South Sudan's life, but he decided to stand up to her a few years ago, and she has resented him ever since. Fights often with Egypt, though they are kind of best frenemies.

South Sudan - Sudan's brother that began standing up for himself to her. They don't get along as a result. Hangs out with Uganda and Kenya.

Botswana - Always wears diamonds on her ears and clothes. Her father is very strict. She used to get very bad grades, so he sent her to a camp for the summer, and now she makes great grades. Is good friends with Sierra Leone.

Morocco - Fell for United States' theory that Israel has a space laser. Pesters Israel every day to give him the laser.

Ghana - He makes the best coffee and he works at Starbucks. He's best friends with Sierra Leone.

Sierra Leone - Enjoys diamonds. She is friends with Botswana and Ghana.

Angola - She is very expensive to date, therefore no guy wants to date her. Brags of her dad's diamond mines and his coffee plantations. Has a suspicious relationship with Russia.

Namibia - That one otherwise-normal kid who was recently discovered to be secretly helping North Korea with tests and quizzes.

Kenya - Really chill. He’s a complete jock. He’s also a part of lots of clubs, but everybody always looks over that. Being outside is his escapism.

Djibouti - He lets people like Saudi Arabia, United States, and China rent out his backyard for parties, and so has made almost $50K in one year.

Mauritania - Fat, and she eats fish every day. Improving herself to achieve top 100 students in school. Friends with Nauru and Pennsylvania.

Algeria - He is a former friend of France who is rivals with Morocco.

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Asia

Turkey - Is quite arrogant. Thinks he is the best and greatest at everything he does. He hates Armenia, Serbia and Greece greatly and is never afraid to insult them. Turkey has become bitter towards many European members and candidates because he applied for club membership in freshman year and still hasn't been contacted about membership. Is great friends with Azerbaijan. Doesn't like Sweden.

Indonesia - The shy one. He is a bit lazy and often comes 4 minutes late to class but not more. He is polite and really open minded. He is a bit of dreamer so the teachers often think he is not paying attention.

Iraq - A moaning loner at school. He is constantly teased and patronised by the little mind games that Iran and the United States play on him. His family were the first to building houses in the local neighborhood during the very old days. He used to be friends with the US, but was falsely accused of having a gun in his school bag and suspended, ruining his family’s reputation.

Kuwait - A small girl who gets good grades and comes from a wealthy family background. Her home was once invaded by Iraq and almost the entire school went out to “Support” her. She is generally calm and good natured.

Iran - An intelligent and relaxed student with an interesting family background. He appears very religious and conservative to the other students, although he is secretly going through a rebellious phase at home. His family has a complicated relationship with the United States and has meddled a lot with Iraq’s household. Vowed to protect Armenia from harm. Is growing increasingly hostile with United States.

Jordan - A friendly student who is usually considered the basic normal kid at school. His family is a little poor, but they are very good in the trade business with the other families in the neighbourhood. He is proud of his old Arabian heritage. His family often tries to help out Palestine’s family. He has a unusual affinity for pottery and recreating old oriental art.

Azerbaijan - Turkey's cousin who hates Armenia even more than Turkey does. Has gotten into physical altercations with Armenia.

Turkmenistan - He is obsessed with marble and white. His backpack is white, his house is white, the horse he rides to school is white.

 Armenia - He constantly gets into fights with Azerbaijan and to a lesser extent Turkey. Started shaving in the fourth grade. Is the leader of the chess club, which Azerbaijan and Turkey are members of. Best friends with Greece, and mutual respect with Iran, who has committed to protecting Armenia from Turkey. Is trying to distance himself from Russia.

Nepal - Good friends with Bhutan and India. Not very vocal, keeps to himself mostly.

 Georgia - A beautiful girl who loves nature and polyphonic singing. She absolutely despises Russia and his family for their meddling and treacherous actions in the past. She usually sticks to herself, although she is sometimes friendly with Turkey and Azerbaijan, as well as Greece and Ukraine.

Mongolia - A girl who loves horses. Hangs with Belarus, Russia, and North Korea.

Singapore - Thinks he is famous, tries to fit in with both the Muslim dictatorship friend group and the EU group but really fits in neither. Is quite rich, and has been trying to grow closer to Monaco's friend group.

Oman - She is a smart student who gets good grades and gets along with a lot of the other kids. She is often labeled as the mom of her inner circle as she has a very loving and motherly personality. She sometimes hangs out with her shy cousin Yemen to cheer him up. Her grandfather recently died this year.

South Korea - He thinks he can sing, but he cannot. Has a twin brother named North Korea, and has a strained relationship with him. Is friends with United States. Pretends to be cool with Japan to please America but in reality hates Japan's guts.

North Korea - The aforementioned twin brother of South Korea. He’s kind of lost his mind and hangs out with Russia and Mongolia and Belarus. He’s threatened to kill almost everyone at the school, and there are rumors he keeps a knife in his bag. He has been told his entire life how great he is and he expects to be treated the same from his high school peers. He expects to be worshiped and that the entire school puts up photos and statues of him. Friends with China. Keeps throwing paper airplanes and spitballs at Japan to get a reaction, but Japan ignores him.

Maldives - Beach babe who is also a devout Muslim. Lives on an island with the nicest beaches that students and their families frequent. However, the beach's admission fee is exorbitant.

China - One of the smartest kids in class who is always doing something related to robotics or technology. He wants to be friends with McKenzieFam. Is friends with North Korea and Russia. Once got suspended for letting go of his balloon which hit the sprinkler and flooded the school.

Syria - A smart girl at school who used to get good grades. However, she is currently skipping class due to a dilemma at home. She is well liked at school, however a lot of the other kids all have opinions on her family issues. Nonetheless, many students and teachers generally feel sympathy for her and always give her extensions on her assignments. She loves to listen to music and is also known for bringing the best lunches to school.

 India - He works part time in the school command center and gets paid to fix people's computers. People make fun of his accent, which makes him sad. He is very smart, and he brings the same lunch to school every day. Does not get along with Pakistan.

Bhutan - The ever smiling, soft spoken, cute girl who helps everybody with their work diagrams.

Myanmar - Troubled girl with a lot of family problems. Her father is a military man that abused her and her mother, when she was a child. Has an unwarranted hatred for the Muslim students.

Tajikistan - Is good friends with Russia (though really only to be protected from bullying). Is also cool with China, though she is a little weary of his true intentions. She is also pretty close to Iran.

Malaysia - Calm student who is multilingual and is hard working, she gets along with everybody, helpful. Brunei is her little brother.

Pakistan - Does not get along with India. A little immature, likes to ignore people who cross him and never speak to them again. Completely ignores Armenia.

Qatar - A small kid at school who’s family are friends with Saudi Arabia’s parents. His family owns a television studio, even though this fact can be controversial in school as they are sometimes known to impose propaganda.

Palestine - Again, he is a controversial student at school. Everyone knows him as the guy who has an intense rivalry with Israel because his family lost their old home to Israel’s family.

Laos - The United States planted some land mines at Laos' house as a joke, but they went off, destroying his house.

Yemen - An Introverted boy who often gets ignored in school. Not a lot of students know about the pain he is currently enduring at home due to his parents' divorce and struggling relations with Saudi Arabia’s family. He has a lot of potential to do great things in the future, he just doesn’t know it yet. He loves fishing in his spare time to get away from all the drama.

Saudi Arabia - A student who is very well recognized by both students and teachers as he comes from a wealthy and conservative religious background. His family is influential in the local community and even own a large private beach where many popular kids like the US and Russia like to hang out during the summer. A lot of the other student’s Muslim families often visit his parent’s palace a few times a year. He appears to have some complicated relationships with the other students, however he secretly wants their attention even if it’s a fake liking for his expensive cars.

Israel - A Jewish kid whose family moved into Palestine’s old family home a few decades ago. He comes from a wealthy financial background and is  friends with the United States. His family is often disliked by the rest of the neighborhood, at least that’s what they say in front of their other neighbors. Recently, he has become super controversial at school when his parents, who own Palestine's house, had them evicted when they could not pay rent.

Philippines - Many sides to her that most people will never know about. Not incredibly smart but that doesn’t stop her from trying. Doesn't get along with Colin. Good friends with United States.

Vietnam - The girl who earned the respect of the entire school because she endured and overcame years of bullying by America. She is smart and kind of popular, especially in Russia’s circle.

Japan - He is a catboy. Wears a cat tail and cat ears to school. Secretly hates South Korea and completely ignores North Korea's existence. Japan is nice to United States' face, but secretly harbors a lot of resentment towards him. United States' dad threw acid on Japan's dad in a bullying attempt, and Japan has not forgiven their familyl

Thailand - Average looking cute girl. Easily approachable. Many lost their v-card with her. People suspect that she is transgender, but has had surgery that is so well done it is impossible to tell.

Afghanistan - Shy boy who flinches at sudden movements from others. Was abused and sexually violated by his father. His father is a drug dealer, and so has mutual respect with Venezuela.

Kazakhstan - Is Russia's best friend. Is sweet, but doesn't listen when people tell him that Russia's bad news.

Sri Lanka - Is poor. He owes a lot of debt to the library for late fees.

Taiwan - Is basically to China what Kosovo is to Serbia. She watches lewd anime with Japan and Cheese.

Bahrain - The rich but sort of airheaded cheerleader. She hangs out with Qatar and UAE.

UAE - One of the richest kids in school. He pulls up to school in a Lamborghini and has eight private jets. Has a YouTube channel where he expresses his homophobic and misogynistic opinions. Sometimes, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, and Qatar feature on his channel.

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US States

Alabama - He looks 34, but he’s actually 22. Yeah, he was held back. So? He can buy beer for the other kids and he has the sweetest mullet. He’s been around the block and could tell you some stories. Plus, he has zero problem admitting that he messed around with his own brother during last summer break and contracted a disease from it.

Alaska - The one who would rather be hunting and sleeping in a tent than hanging out in clubs with the cool kids. He’s an Eagle Scout but never mentions it. He’s the guy you want to have around if you ever get lost anywhere in nature. He and New Hampshire like to hangout and exchange survival and repair/maintenance tactics.

Arizona - He’s of mixed Mexican/American decent and speaks both languages fluently. He’s relatively no-nonsense but enjoys hootin’ and hollerin’ with the best of ‘em. He’s occasionally seen hanging out with Alabama and Mississippi. Dating California.

California - She thinks everyone should always pay attention to HER. HER opinions are the best. HER thoughts matter the most. She’s on social media literally all day. Most people abide her narcissism and arrogance but secretly hate her. Is best friends with Singapore, and only talks in modern TikTok slang. Doesn't like MiecraftMan, New Jersey, or New Mexico. Dating Arizona.

Connecticut - Not the spoiled one. The cool one. The one with all the connections. This guy knows the bouncers at every bar, the salesmen at every store. His family has been rich since the 1300s. He has at least $75,000 in cash on him at all times. He drives a custom 1983 Bentley Mulsanne. Currently the class president for 2024.

Hawaii - The tan girl. The girl who’s always just coming back from vacation. She’s always smiling, always positive, always motivational. She’s taken approximately infinite selfies. She’d be fun to hang out with if her favorite band wasn’t Fun. She and Maine get along great. Dating Nevada.

Kentucky - This kid can distill 600 proof spirits from spring water. He knows the chemical ins-and-outs of almost every single booze or drug that exists. His mullet isn’t quite as sweet as Alabama’s. His meth isn’t quite as pure as Mississippi’s. and his sister isn’t quite as cute as West Virginia’s; but he can hold his own against the likes of all three.

Maine - This girl is just too much. From canoeing to rock-climbing, she’s just into it all. She always brings her hiking boots and she never turns down a fish-fry. She enjoys telling people what to do and as long as they do it her way, it’ll be FUN! She’s best friends with Hawaii and Canada and best best friends with New Hampshire.

Maryland - She was formerly the class President. She has been since first grade. She’s the Honor Society President. She has been since first grade. She petitions for everything from healthier school lunches to easier-to-remember locker combinations (on Florida’s behalf). She’s currently petitioning for more petitions even though she petitioned against it last Spring. She campaigns endlessly and is always meeting with scholastic lobbyists. She won’t openly admit whether or not she likes New Mexico. Blew a gasket after she lost the presidency to Connecticut for 2024.

Missouri - This guy is bad news. He’s always up to something. Getting into some sort of trouble. He’s a bad influence on others; including himself. He’s the son of a cop and an IRS agent. He knows how to get away with most petty crimes, and has committed… most petty crimes. He won’t be dissuaded by authority or the threat of punishment. He’s truly a rebel.

New Hampshire - This girl is willing to help anyone and everyone. And she can fix most things. She’s the kindest thing in the world till you mention authoritarian influence. Then she’ll rant for days about how taxes are ruining the economy. She grows her own herbs in her back yard. She hangs out primarily with Alaska and her best friend Maine.

Ohio - He went viral on YouTube in early 2023 for picking his nose on camera. Is tired of the constant Ohio jokes.

Pennsylvania - Cheesesteaks and Hershey Bars. This kid packs it in like nobody’s business. Hoagies and pierogies. Whatever you got, he’ll take it. He’s constantly being ridden by the likes of Maine and Oregon for his snack choices. Scrapple, bologna, Middleswarth chips and shoofly pie. MMMMMmmmMMMM!!… Hangs out with Mauritania, the other fat kid. Best friends with Nauru.

Virginia - This kid grew up rich, but in a strictly traditional fashion. His entire financial view is based on economic policies of 250 years ago. The only book he owns is Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations. He’s a war reenactor in multiple different groups including those who reenact The American Revolution, The American Civil War, and The War on Drugs. He and Maryland sometimes don’t see eye-to-eye.

Wyoming - He’s always last in line on picture day. He’s always last picked in gym class. He reads the morning announcements but no one recognizes his voice or knows who he is. He’s not in the yearbook because they couldn’t justify using another entire page for just the one picture that wouldn’t fit on the previous page. He’s not in any clubs or social groups. Is friends with Florida and Toowise.

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JetPunk Users:

MiecraftMan - A particularly unstable kid - the class clown. Gets teased/bullied by a bunch of kids like Russia and New Jersey. Sometimes accepts it and plays along, other times randomly lashing out about it. Sometimes has quite obnoxious jokes, other times very funny ones. Takes pleasure in being annoying. Is often in trouble with the teacher. Is quite a good scholar, but intentionally makes it so people don’t focus on that side of him. Doesn't get along with California, and so is pretty cool with Texas. Not really fond of Qy.

Qy - Is good buddies with Kentucky and Texas. Friendly but keeps to himself usually. Makes average grades. Not fond of MiecraftMan.

Toowise - An absolute cringe machine. Reminds the teacher of homework when he forgets it, and is essentially hated by everyone and dejected from the society of the school. Naturally, gets along with other rejects, like Wyoming, New Mexico, Florida, and Paraguay.

Cheese - Gets A's and B's usually. Hangs out usually with Ethiopia and Kenya. Is a practicing Muslim.

Colin (also known as spartanfire or TancredTorsson) - Always a straight A student. Hangs out with South Korea, Poland, Greece, and their friend groups a lot. Gives singing lessons to South Korea. Fights often with North Korea and Egypt. Is also friends with Romania and India, but is not fond of Philippines or North Korea.

Kingsfisher - The conservative communist, suffers from inadequate mood swings, becomes either a clown or a teacher's sycophant. Have a bad jokes. Unable to write his name correctly, speaks broken English. He does not eat in the canteen, for which the cooks hate him. Loves Russia, India, Serbia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Syria, Norway, Canada, Scotland, Brazil and Hungary; is in love with Belarus, so has a major target on his back by Russia.

Fianchetto - An anime lover. Uses they/them pronouns. A social justice warrior. Identifies as bunnygender. Is extremely fragile and easy to offend, so people don't talk to Fianchetto a lot. Is disliked by the vast majority of the Muslim countries, Florida, Utah, California, and Texas. Good friends with Norway, Sweden, and Japan.

McKenzieFam - A nerd. Loves statistics and raw data. Always extremely punctual, never been late to class in their life. Always hands in assignments exactly on time, usually accompanied by a spreadsheet or two. Would make an excellent target for bullies except that ever since Tanzania fell into a coma while they explained quantum entanglement to them, people generally try to avoid contact. Once conducted a study on Paraguay's behavioral dysfunctionalities, then wrote a fifteen-page essay about it. Some think they were kidnapped in middle school and replaced by one of China's robotics projects. Will probably either invent time travel someday or blow up the school.

Astana - Really smart, years younger than all of the other kids. Skipped lots of school. Teacher's pet. Straight A's, but thinks school is a waste of time. Her father does some shady business dealings with the school board and teachers are afraid of her. Lives outside of town in a forested estate surrounded by a wall with guarded watchtowers. Some people have allegedly broken into the property and never come back.