Shrek Script Part 2

DONKEY

(pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.

(grins)

At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to

the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her.

SHREK

Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and

walks over to the edge of the cliff

and sits down)

DONKEY

What's your problem? What you got against

the whole world anyway?

SHREK

Look, I'm not the one with the problem,

okay? It's the world that seems to have

a problem with me. People take one look

at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big,

stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before

they even know me. That's why I'm better

off alone.

DONKEY

You know what? When we met, I didn't

think you was just a big, stupid, ugly

ogre.

SHREK

Yeah, I know.

DONKEY

So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?

SHREK

Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small

and Annoying.

DONKEY

Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny

one, right there. That one there?

Fiona puts the door back.

SHREK

That's the moon.

DONKEY

Oh, okay.

DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom

The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays

in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic

Mirror shows him Princess Fiona.

FARQUAAD

Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror,

show her to me. Show me the princess.

MIRROR

Hmph.

The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning.

FARQUAAD

Ah. Perfect.

Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up

to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly

at her image in the mirror.

MORNING

Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey

who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes

across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along

with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles

to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too

big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but

she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona

is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still

sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking

in his sleep.

DONKEY

(quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like

it like that. Come on, baby. I said

I like it.

SHREK

Donkey, wake up. (shakes him)

DONKEY

Huh? What?

SHREK

Wake up.

DONKEY

What? (stretches and yawns)

FIONA

Good morning. Hm, how do you like your

eggs?

DONKEY

Oh, good morning, Princess!

Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.

SHREK

What's all this about?

FIONA

You know, we kind of got off to a bad

start yesterday. I wanted to make it

up to you. I mean, after all, you did

rescue me.

SHREK

Uh, thanks.

Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.

FIONA

Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead

of us. (walks off)

LATER

They are once again on their way. They are walking through the

forest. Shrek belches.

DONKEY

Shrek!

SHREK

What? It's a compliment. Better out

than in, I always say. (laughs)

DONKEY

Well, it's no way to behave in front

of a princess.

Fiona belches

FIONA

Thanks.

DONKEY

She's as nasty as you are.

SHREK

(chuckles) You know, you're not exactly

what I expected.

FIONA

Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people

before you get to know them.

She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly

from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into

a tree.

ROBIN HOOD

La liberte! Hey!

SHREK

Princess!

FIONA

(to Robin Hood) What are you doing?

ROBIN HOOD

Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior!

And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses

up her arm while Fiona pulls back in

disgust)...beast.

SHREK

Hey! That's my princess! Go find you

own!

ROBIN HOOD

Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a

little busy here?

FIONA

(getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't

know who you think you are!

ROBIN HOOD

Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please

let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men.

(laughs)

Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out

from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song.

MERRY MEN

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

ROBIN HOOD

I steal from the rich and give to the

needy.

MERRY MEN

He takes a wee percentage,

ROBIN HOOD

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty

damsels, man, I'm good.

MERRY MEN

What a guy, Monsieur Hood.

ROBIN HOOD

Break it down. I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid...

MERRY MEN

What he's basically saying is he likes

to get...

ROBIN HOOD

Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.

MERRY MEN

That's bad.

ROBIN HOOD

When a beauty's with a beast it makes

me awfully mad.

MERRY MEN

He's mad, he's really, really mad.

ROBIN HOOD

I'll take my blade and ram it through

your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start...

There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and

knocks Robin Hood unconscious.

FIONA

Man, that was annoying!

Shrek looks at her in admiration.

MERRY MAN

Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at

Fiona but she ducks out of the way)

The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to

get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree.

Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and

then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is

a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in

mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down,

and Fiona begins walking away.

FIONA

Uh, shall we?

SHREK

Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins

walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa,

whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come

from?

FIONA

What?

SHREK

That! Back there. That was amazing!

Where did you learn that?

FIONA

Well...(laughs) when one lives alone,

uh, one has to learn these things in

case there's a...(gasps and points)

there's an arrow in your butt!

SHREK

What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you

look at that? (he goes to pull it out

but flinches because it's tender)

FIONA

Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so

sorry.

DONKEY

(walking up) Why? What's wrong?

FIONA

Shrek's hurt.

DONKEY

Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no,

Shrek's gonna die.

SHREK

Donkey, I'm okay.

DONKEY

You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm

too young for you to die. Keep you legs

elevated. Turn your head and cough.

Does anyone know the Heimlich?

FIONA

Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help

Shrek, run into the woods and find me

a blue flower with red thorns.

DONKEY

Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on

it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die

Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay

away from the light!

SHREK & FIONA

Donkey!

DONKEY

Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

(runs off)

SHREK

What are the flowers for?

FIONA

(like it's obvious) For getting rid

of Donkey.

SHREK

Ah.

FIONA

Now you hold still, and I'll yank this

thing out. (gives the arrow a little

pull)

SHREK

(jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the

yankin'.

As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and

Shrek keeps dodging her hands.

FIONA

I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

SHREK

No, it's tender.

FIONA

Now, hold on.

SHREK

What you're doing is the opposite of

help.

FIONA

Don't move.

SHREK

Look, time out.

FIONA

Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his

hand over her face to stop her from

getting at the arrow) Okay. What do

you propose we do?

ELSEWHERE

Donkey is still looking for the special flower.

DONKEY

Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower,

red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.

This would be so much easier if I wasn't

color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.

SHREK

(os) Ow!

DONKEY

Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a

flower off a nearby bush that just happens

to be a blue flower with red thorns)

THE FOREST PATH

SHREK

Ow! Not good.

FIONA

Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.

(Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just

about...

SHREK

Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall

over with Fiona on top of him)

DONKEY

Ahem.

SHREK

(throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing

happend. We were just, uh - -

DONKEY

Look, if you wanted to be alone, all

you had to do was ask. Okay?

SHREK

Oh, come on! That's the last thing on

my mind. The princess here was just-

- (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he

turns to look at Fiona who holds up

the arrow with a smile) Ow!

DONKEY

Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle)

That's...is that blood?

Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue

on their way.

There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc.

Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a

small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as

Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back

into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting

and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb

that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it

around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins

eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers.

Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting

it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning

it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group

arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.

WINDMILL

SHREK

There it is, Princess. Your future awaits

you.

FIONA

That's DuLoc?

DONKEY

Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks

Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,

which I think means he has a really...(Shrek

steps on his hoof) Ow!

SHREK

Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move

on.

FIONA

Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried

about Donkey.

SHREK

What?

FIONA

I mean, look at him. He doesn't look

so good.

DONKEY

What are you talking about? I'm fine.

FIONA

(kneels to look him in the eyes) That's

what they always say, and then next

thing you know, you're on your back.

(pause) Dead.

SHREK

You know, she's right. You look awful.

Do you want to sit down?

FIONA

Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

DONKEY

I didn't want to say nothin', but I

got this twinge in my neck, and when

I turn my head like this, look, (turns

his neck in a very sharp way until his

head is completely sideways) Ow! See?

SHREK

Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

FIONA

I'll get the firewood.

DONKEY

Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't

feel my toes! (looks down and yelps)

I don't have any toes! I think I need

a hug.

SUNSET

Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while

Fiona eats.

FIONA

Mmm. This is good. This is really good.

What is this?

SHREK

Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.

FIONA

No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

SHREK

Well, they're also great in stews. Now,

I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean

weed rat stew. (chuckles)

Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs.

FIONA

I guess I'll be dining a little differently

tomorrow night.

SHREK

Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp

sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff

for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare

- - you name it.

FIONA

(smiles) I'd like that.

They smiles at each other.

SHREK

Um, Princess?

FIONA

Yes, Shrek?

SHREK

I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs)

Are you gonna eat that?

DONKEY

(chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic?

Just look at that sunset.

FIONA

(jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's

late. I-It's very late.

SHREK

What?

DONKEY

Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on

here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't

you?

FIONA

Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified.

You know, I'd better go inside.

DONKEY

Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to

be afraid of the dark, too, until -

- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of

the dark.

Shrek sighs

FIONA

Good night.

SHREK

Good night.

Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks

at Shrek with a new eye.

DONKEY

Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on

here.

SHREK

Oh, what are you talkin' about?

DONKEY

I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm

an animal, and I got instincts. And

I know you two were diggin' on each

other. I could feel it.

SHREK

You're crazy. I'm just bringing her

back to Farquaad.

DONKEY

Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell

the pheromones. Just go on in and tell

her how you feel.

SHREK

I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides,

even if I did tell her that, well, you

know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause

I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm

- -

DONKEY

An ogre?

SHREK

Yeah. An ogre.

DONKEY

Hey, where you goin'?

SHREK

To get... move firewood. (sighs)

Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already

is.

TIME LAPSE

Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is

nowhere to be seen.

DONKEY

Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess,

where are you? Princess?

Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her.

DONKEY

It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing

no games.

Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't

look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking

out.

DONKEY

Aah!

FIONA

Oh, no!

DONKEY

No, help!

FIONA

Shh!

DONKEY

Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

FIONA

No, it's okay. It's okay.

DONKEY

What did you do with the princess?

FIONA

Donkey, I'm the princess.

DONKEY

Aah!

FIONA

It's me, in this body.

DONKEY

Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to

her stomach) Can you hear me?

FIONA

Donkey!

DONKEY

(still aimed at her stomach) Listen,

keep breathing! I'll get you out of

there!

FIONA

No!

DONKEY

Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

FIONA

Shh.

DONKEY

Shrek!

FIONA

This is me.

Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets

down.

DONKEY

Princess? What happened to you? You're,

uh, uh, uh, different.

FIONA

I'm ugly, okay?

DONKEY

Well, yeah! Was it something you ate?

'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a

bad idea. You are what you eat, I said.

Now - -

FIONA

No. I - - I've been this way as long

as I can remember.

DONKEY

What do you mean? Look, I ain't never

seen you like this before.

FIONA

It only happens when sun goes down.

"By night one way, by day another. This

shall be the norm... until you find

true love's first kiss... and then take

love's true form."

DONKEY

Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know

you wrote poetry.

FIONA

It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little

girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every

night I become this. This horrible,

ugly beast! I was placed in a tower

to await the day