Every State Described in One Sentence

While I have been quarantined it has given me a lot of time to think and a lot of time to sleep but that wouldn't make a good blog post. Yesterday I thought "Is Guacamole a Salad?" and "Why are the French words for Paper-Clip and trombone the same?" and "How could I describe every state in a single sentence?" So here it is: Every State in One Sentence
Alabama: Florida, but without the Florida.
Alaska: Only come when it's not freezing which is never.
Arizona: Only come when it's not 1000 degrees which is never.
Arkansas: I don't know, ask Bill Clinton.
California: ...That can't be safe.
Colorado: Ah yes, the mountainy one.
Connecticut: Off-brand New York.
Delaware: Yeah, we couldn't find it either.
Florida: Lemme tell you about this crazy dream I had.
Georgia: I went to the airport once, it was ok.
Hawaii: Don't think about it too much.
Idaho: We ran out of names .
Illinois: Chicago etc.
Indiana: hehe.. Gary.
Iowa: Emerges from the corn every four years to do a caucus.
Kansas: Do you like grass?
Kentucky: Chicken and horses.
Louisiana: Its France, but in a swamp.
Maine: The south is nice, but we'll tell you about the north if anyone ever comes back.
Maryland: Almost Washington D.C... almost.
Massachusetts: Great state, just awful people.
Michigan: Overdoing it with the lake thing.
Minnesota: Wow, I've never been to Canada!
Mississippi: You know the river, now get ready for...
Missouri: Unequivocally average.
Montana: So beautiful we forgot to populate it.
Nebraska: I've never heard anyone talk about it, so it can't be too bad.
Nevada: The government only lets me talk about Vegas
New Hampshire: All your favorite parts of New England, but mediocre.
New Jersey: The experience of living in a major urban area without actually having a major urban area.
New Mexico: Where's Waldo, but instead of Waldo you search for signs of civilization.
New York: I'm from Boston so I'm obligated not to like them.
North Carolina: It's like the South but North!
North Dakota: Nobody returned my emails.
Ohio: Decided to start all their major cities with C so we would all get confused.
Oklahoma: When it starts getting windy, run.
Oregon: Not Washington, but not California either.
Pennsylvania: Pensylvannia... Pennsilvannia... Penn... Pennsylvannia.. no wait
Rhode Island: Take that Alaska!
South Carolina: Oh, well now we're definitely in the South.
South Dakota: Come for the Mount Rushmore, stay for... uh...
Tennessee: Elvis (and probably other things)
Texas: ...What?
Utah: Are... are they all mormon?
Vermont: Are... are they all Bernie Sanders?
Virginia: An amalgamation of nine other states.
Washington: Jeff Bezos's private island.
West Virginia: Country Roooooaaaads...
Wisconsin: is a U.S. state located in the north-central, Midwest and Great Lakes regions of the country.
Wyoming: 90% sure its not a real place.