Modern Family Quotes

“Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they’re driving, and soon we’ll all be dead.”

“What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?”

“When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, ‘What?!’”

“In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.”

“I’m gonna share that one with my next husband when we’re spending your money.”

“Success is one percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration, and two percent attention to detail.”

“You want to hear the guest list for the night? So far it’s anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations Mitchell, you packed the house!”

“Everything I touch turns to detention.”

“I shouldn’t be penalized for being too smart, I’m not running for president.”

“When you’re married to me you’re going to be yelled at many times.”

“Books? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma.”

“No one wants to think at graduation! It’s graduation, the time when we celebrate being done with thinking.”

“I would love to be wrong, but I don’t live with the right people for that.”

“There’s a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell’s relationship with his mother and say, ‘That’s messed up.’”

“It can be challenging finding playmates for an exceptional child. I don’t mean to brag, but that’s why I didn’t have any friends.”

“What kind of man writes poetry on a computer?”

“The only time I break a sweat is when we run after the ice cream truck.”

“Dad, we can always find cool stuff to do. Even if you’re old and in a wheelchair, I’ll take you to the mall and push you as fast as you wanna go. And I’ll take you to the top of a huge hill and just let go.”

“Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.”

“No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don’t get hurt.”

“Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug… creates a tripping hazard… and open yourself up to lawsuits."

“With great hotness comes great responsibility.”