Hint
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Answer
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A social outcast experiences bullying but, by one cool act, he becomes popular. The song just rips off Napoleon Dynamite’s plot.
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
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A golem-type creature briefly experiences life with magic apparel. He will surely suffer a miserable melting-related death.
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Frosty the Snowman
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Santa is a dirty home wrecker, but for some reason the singer thinks his dad would have found it funny. Adultery is never funny!
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I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
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A tense story of survival, as a young girl ponders escape from a manipulative predator versus the withering weather. Inappropriate!
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Baby It’s Cold Outside
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Way, way too much percussion in this song. Do babies even like percussion? It’d probably scare them. Terrible gift for the king.
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The Little Drummer Boy
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Clearly a song for people with food obsession. Whipped cream, sugar dates, and… a pumpkin head? Keep Halloween out of my Xmas!
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A Marshmallow World
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Santa Claus takes over the role of Big Brother. It’s Christmas dystopia, and we’re all on a list and being surveilled.
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Santa Claus is Coming to Town
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The singer surgically removed their heart to give to someone, but that person regifted it? Illogical! Are these people zombies?
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Last Christmas
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A horse drawn carriage takes people to… Farmer Gray’s birthday?! Christmas is not about farmer Gray’s birthday! Blasphemous.
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Sleigh Ride
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One of the greatest carols ever! A family deals with inheritance issues following the death of their grandmother in a freak accident.
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Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
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The singer is obsessed with nostalgia, going on and on about a gift he got as a wee lad, but he doesn’t even know what it was! Move on!
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The Marvelous Toy
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Disgusting capitalist excess abounds. True love is merely bought. The price? Hundreds of animals and servants performing menial work.
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12 Days of Christmas
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Three brothers pine for gifts, especially a hula hoop. The singers all have a wicked falsetto, though—so talented.
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The Chipmunk Song
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The most aggressively sexual ode to a man in power since Monroe sang to JFK. The singer must know that the jolly old man is married!
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Santa Baby
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A king becomes obsessed when he sees a poor man on a snowy night and sets out to hunt him down. A chilling look at classism.
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Good King Wenceslas
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