The Tales of GrandOldLand #3: The Siege of Southeast Asia

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Four new countries have risen, and Vatican City has been annexed. Remember: GOL now has six states (Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba and Saskatchewan, Eastern Europe, Northern Europe, and JetPunkLand). Malkiboy helped with some portions of this production.

Take the new modern-day countries of GrandOldLand on a map quiz, made by GOM himself! (It should be updated after this)

Note: Events are completely fictional. Some lines will have Grandese on the left, and English on the right.

(GrandOldMan is laying down in a hospital bed, coughing. A frightened doctor stands as far away as possible while still holding a cold rag-towel over his forehead.)

GrandOldMan: Vivi si maltrusté! JetPunkers hold ^malhealth! | Traitors! The JetPunkers carry plague!


Doctor: Sir, please calm dow-


GrandOldMan: Famalgrandese?!?! Phe Maldamnvi?!?! | English?!?! How Dare you?!?!


(Doctor quickly sedates him while he rants on)

In Asia...countries are in an "important" discussion

Republic of the Philippines: We finally broke into the capital and conquered the rest of Luzon!


China: How cute!


(Russia snorts)


Tibet: China, you would be ten times smaller without us.


China: What is this?!?! We must ban Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber and all the other Justins in the world for no reason!


Japan (Echoing across the yellow sea): Ya'll already banned Bieber!


Taiwan: I'd be quiet if I were you...


Laos: Why Taiwan? 'Cause your too stupid to be communist?

BREAKING NEWS

  • A super-volcano has emerged on Taiwan's surface, spewing ashes directly at Laos
  • While no official measurements have been released, scientists estimate that it's summit is nearly 6 times the height of Everest, branching into the atmosphere

In a meeting back in JetPunkLand...

(A cuffed Brazilian blogger is being dragged into King Blogger's castle by a German soldier)

King Blogger: What be the meaning of this?


Soldier: Sir, we caught him trying to type more than 30,000 characters on his blog post. His name is MG17.


King Blogger: 'Tis not a crime. And what is thy name, soldier?


Soldier (Clearing his throat and making eye-contact): Felix, sir.


King Blogger: Felix, I wish for thee to do two things. For one, take this blogger to the admiral here in JetPunkLand. I have seen great blogs from MG17, and I'm sure he would make a find soldier under GrandOldLand. Second, thou shouldst go to Update University and politely ask Stewart to make a major update to blogs so that thy people do not have to go to Coding College to make them. Perhaps say something like blog characters should increase to 50, 000 characters.


Felix: But sir, surely they won't belie-


King Blogger (Handing Felix a badge with the official blog seal): With this, they will.


(Felix gives a quizzical look before switching to an expression of understanding. However, he turns around when King Blogger calls him yet again.)


King Blogger: Felix! When thou meetest Admiral Vedwan, ask of him to recruit every person who wishes to fight.



GOM has finally recovered, and he is in a meeting with felicitators

GrandOldMan: Who are you?


Felicitator: We're the Felicitators.


GrandOldMan: The Felici-what?


Felicitator: Felicitator!


GrandOldMan: What is that?


Felicitator: A person who felicitates. If it's your birthday, we say felicits; if you win an award, we say felicits. 


GrandOldMan: So like "congrats"?


(Felicitators gasp.)


Felicitator: How dare you say the c-word!


GrandOldMan: I didn't!


Felicitator: The c-word is the fake version of felicits!


GrandOldMan: Congrats?


Felicitator: You just said it again!


GrandOldMan: Congrats isn't the fake version of felicits. I'm pretty sure it's the other way round.


Felicitator: It's not! Felicits is the only appropriate way to felicitate someone. You cannot use the c-word.


GrandOldMan: There's nothing wrong with the c-word!


Felicitator: There are many things wrong with it! It's disgusting! It sounds bad! Everything about it is wrong! Never use the c-word in front of a felicitator!


(A tall man walks in. He is wearing the same uniform as the felicitators.)


Tall Man: Sticilef!


(All felicitators in room gasp)


Felicitator: How dare you!


(A similar-looking male walks in)


New Guy: Sticilef! Neil and I have arrived with pleasant news. The leader of Pandoria has arrived!


GOM: Hello Admiral Vedwan and Chinese Chen! Bring in our guest!


(Leader walks in. GOM waves off the felicitators, who leave with angered expressions.)


GOM: Tell us a bit about yourself and country!


Leader: Well, Pandorian culture has been around for centuries. Our people was different from the others, and we were the first to sail from the Indian Subcontinent to Ceylon, or present-day Sri Lanka.


(Leader pauses)


Leader: Not to much longer the current group of Sri Lankans arrived and fought us off our island. For the next few centuries, we migrated across the world, from Egypt to Indonesia to Korea. Eventually, we found a perfect plateau to settle in. This plateau was in Anatolia. Fast forward thousands of years, and the Ottomans take over our territory and make us a state. Despite their good treatment, our population could no longer live comfortably within the walls that they had confined us in. After their collapse, we swiftly took over major Mediterranean islands like Crete, Corsica, Sardinia, Sicily, and Euboea before the others could. When the Ottomans first annexed us, we were forced to have one leader instead of many. That leader was the best of the best, called a Pandora. I am the forty-ninth Pandora, therefore giving me the common nickname of Pandora49. When I became leader, I gave a vow to protect my people at all costs. Yet, the Empire of Turnbacktwo threatens our biggest island by both population and area, Sicily. They wish to turn us into nothing more than colonies. So I have told you the story of our country, and now I ask you, GrandOldMan, if I help your people will you help mine?




BREAKING NEWS

  • The military force of GrandOldLand has just about trippled
  • They have given Southeast Asia one chance to surrender peacefully, a chance that Laos, Cambodia, Brunei, East Timor, and Singapore have already taken
  • Malaysia, Indonesia, and the Republic of the Philippines plan to ally with each other for the first time

In Southeast Asia...

Republic of the Philippines (ROP): So the alliance is official?


Indonesia: Correct.


ROP: Okay, I believe you, but don't you dare ever betray us to the Philippines.


Malaysia: Trust us, we won't.


ROP (Smirking): Good. After I finish setting up bases in Luzon, we will conquer the rest of the island chain.


Pandoria (Quickly): Hello, dear cousins. Our army is going to India to pick up resources and we figured we would spend the night here along the way.


Malaysia: Okay.


Indonesia (Skeptically): But why did you bring your whole army just to pick up resources.


(All face Pandoria with arms crossed)


Pandoria: These aren't just normal resources. We are preparing for war against the Empire of Turnbacktwo.


ROP: Hmm...I guess you could stay on Java...


Indonesia: Of course you can.


(Inside a temporary camp on Java)


Pandorian Soldier (Pandar) 1: Sir! The clock struck midnight! Should I prepare the troops?


General: Have you received word from the Grandese?


Pandar 2: We have, sir. Their army is in Singapore waiting for us to be ready. Then they will advance on to Malaysia. The Grandese say that if we don't keep the element of surprise tonight, even more will die than their war back in JetPunkLand.


General: Well don't just stand there! Wake up the troops lieutenants! Afterwards, tell the Grandese we are ready.


(In Singapore)


GOM: Wake up a'ya lazy punching bags!


(GOM glances over at soldier sleeping to his right who is snoring loudly)


GOM (Completely in his face): I said, GET UP!


(The soldier remains completely unresponsive. GOM yanks up the covers and sees a well disguised blood stain over his chest. A speaker nearby is playing the snoring sounds.)


GOM: No...no...how did this...it couldn't have...MALMALTRA!


(General Toro walks in with a saddened face.)


Toro: Half our army has been killed in just a couple of hours. I believe there is an imposter among us, sir.


(Man with broad shoulders who wields a vibrating sword walks in)


Broad Man: Indeed. I had great insight on your plans to take over Southeast Asia.


GOM and Toro: Tony?!?!


Broad Man: Yes. 


Toro: Wh-what...how-


Broad Man: I am the secret weapon of the Republic of the Philippines, trained only to find and kill. What happens next? Guess!


(GrandOldMan and Toro perform a formal death song to the Gods)


Toro: I was sad and lonely....


GrandOldMan: I was old and only....


Toro: Grand!


GrandOldMan: Pain!


Toro: Grand!


GrandOldMan: Pain!


Toro: Gr-gr-gra-gra-gra-and!


GrandOldMan: Pain!


Toro (Slapping GOM): That's not how the song goes you idiot


GOM: No, I'm actually in pain.


(Toro glances up and sees GrandOldMan is literally glowing. Eventually he fades away and...silence. Tony is gone, and all soldiers on the ship are in perfect condition.)


Toro (Sighing): The Leondapou has begun! Soldiers, the Gods have given us Southeast Asia! Next however, we must find GOM and finish the deal we have made!

If you are confused, no worries. It will make sense next time in The Pact of Pandoria. I had a lot of elements and people to add in this story, so I got carried away and this just got longer and longer. I hope you enjoyed!

+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
A collection of hilarious Dream Shorts videos that take one minute of your time each:

lol, I promise on my life these are not rickrolls

+1
Level 57
Apr 20, 2021
When am I gonna be in the Story?
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
The next one takes place in the Mediterranean. You will be in it. Because there is no way you read the whole story in time, I am a bit disappointed. At least read me and Malki's effort before asking to be included! :(
+1
Level 50
Apr 20, 2021
YAY! THANK YOU! Anyways what a great blog! And c- I mean felicits for 3000 takes!
+1
Level 57
Apr 20, 2021
when am I going to be in the story?
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
Idk
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Level 57
Apr 20, 2021
:(
+1
Level 58
Apr 21, 2021
I'll add you in most likely in the next
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
What happened to the Philippines?
+1
Level 58
Apr 21, 2021
The Grandese Gods gave them all of Southeast Asia, during a moral completion called the Leondapou. Just as a little giveaway, GOM will spend all of a week facing major challenges on an island only those who have done the Leondapou have seen, and they are forbidden to talk about their experiences when they return.
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
When am I going to be in the story?
+1
Level 58
Apr 21, 2021
I'll add you in most likely in the next
+2
Level 28
Apr 20, 2021
Isn’t my fault that I got many information! LOL! And King Blogger saving me of this, saying my blogs are amazing? Wtf. Quizmaster is for the quizzes, as Kalbahamut is for the comments, as I am for the blogs. Am I so incredible like this!? LOL! I loved! Will I still participate of the story?
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
Probably.
+2
Level 56
Apr 20, 2021
Wow very nice! I like this story
+2
Level 56
Apr 20, 2021
Can I be in the next when, I want to rule South Africa, Eswatini, and Lesotho
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
I can't guarantee the next, but maybe #5.
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
Looks like I've a quiz to update...
+2
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
I guess I'll do it later, I'm kinda busy right now. Great blog, though!
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
I'm depressed now. I'll do it tomorrow.
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
Lol, you don't have to.
+2
Level 50
Apr 21, 2021
I thought you wee quitting and taking a break. It's ok, you won't miss anything when you're gone.
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
you watch dream? nice!
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
He's great!
+1
Level 51
Apr 20, 2021
Are you Tony the Tiger?
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
I didn't say it with multiple letters....
+1
Level 62
Apr 20, 2021
Ew dream
+1
Level 66
Apr 20, 2021
ClutchNferno, I saw your post on the last story, but I figured you're checking comments here now, so I'll post here. Anyways, that sounds good to me! Just to clarify though, am I a pirate working for the Turnbacktwo Empire (as in a privateer)? Or do I just live in the Turnbacktwo Empire? I'd be fine with either, just want to know.
+1
Level 58
Apr 20, 2021
Privateer
+1
Level 54
Apr 21, 2021
WOW, If MG17 was not saved by KingBlogger, The Jetpunk Blogging community will be dead.
+1
Level 28
Apr 21, 2021
This is... I’m without words! This is to kind! Thanks a lot!!!
+1
Level 54
Apr 21, 2021
And KingBlogger will also be dead, That's why he save you, Personally, he don't like you. LOL, Sorry, This is true
+1
Level 28
Apr 21, 2021
I'm thinking... he is the king, and I'm the emperor. LOL
+1
Level 73
Apr 21, 2021
This was very interesting. I think I'll read the first two in the series.

Also, can we be in it if there's ever action on the east coast? If not, that's fine.

+1
Level 51
Apr 21, 2021
I think I've captured all of the US except for the east coast, so that wouldn't be a bad idea...
+1
Level 66
Apr 21, 2021
@HinesBrother, if you want, you can just be anyone in the story. Like, you don't have to be bound to where you live--I'm a privateer in the Mediterranean now even though I live in Pennsylvania and have never set foot in southern Europe/northern Africa.
+1
Level 58
Apr 21, 2021
Like JW said, you can be anywhere. However, in the fifth one will be the Annexing of America, so I think if you want you can be on the East Coast. If you found this one interesting, than you can find funny national songs in #2, which is still my favorite. Talking about this, I think I need to go back and read #1 which might be embarrassing.
+1
Level 73
Apr 21, 2021
Okay, I read #1 and #2, both of which were very good. If you want to put us somewhere other than the East Coast, that's fine, we're indifferent. I just said the East Coast since it would be most logical for us to appear there.
+1
Level 50
May 6, 2021
I'll be - President of Jerseyland
+1
Level 38
Apr 21, 2021
Pandoria's battle against my European side of Italy, UK, Ireland, Spain, A bit of Portugal and Belgium

My soldiers have a cool army

+1
Level 28
Apr 21, 2021
Am I the only who saw Austin's new (now deleted) blog?
+1
Level 28
Apr 21, 2021
Posted about... 3 minutes ago...
+1
Level 58
Apr 21, 2021
I didn't see...
+1
Level 28
Apr 21, 2021
Well, Idk if he was despising Chen ('cause the blog was no-sense), but surely it was spam, and Chen would hate.
+1
Level 62
Apr 21, 2021
Idk if I would hate it, but I really am confused.
+1
Level 51
Apr 21, 2021
I still have a screenshot of it

https://i.ibb.co/wQTjmL5/unknown.png

+1
Level 56
Apr 22, 2021
Well, that’s... really something
+1
Level 71
Apr 21, 2021
lol Love it.
+1
Level 56
Apr 22, 2021
I’m a bit late to the party - but hilarious blog!
+1
Level 43
Apr 22, 2021
GrandOldLand needs to annex

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+1
Level 43
May 4, 2021
I want to be included
+1
Level 38
May 7, 2021
Next blog?
+1
Level 47
May 7, 2021
Can I be involved in the story? I really don't care in what role or when it actually happens (as long as it's not a year from now), but having my own country would be kind of cool ...
+1
Level 58
May 7, 2021
Yeah.
+1
Level 47
May 7, 2021
Ok thanks