The Jokes Blog

1. What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear

3. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

4. I entered two puns in a contest to see which would win.

No pun in ten did.

5. Do you wanna hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

6. How do you measure a snake?

In inches-they don't have feet.

7. What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky

8.  What concert only costs 45 cents?

Cent featuring Nickleback.

9. Knock knock.

Who's there?

No, to whom.

I always get this wrong, to (or is that “too” … “Two?”)

10. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

11. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

12. A sign at a music shop:

"Gone chopin.

Back in a minuet." 

13. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

14. How do mathematicians scold their children?

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

15. A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.

The photon says, "no, I'm travelling light."

16. What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do these genes make me look fat?

17. "God, how much is a million dollars?"

"To me. it's a penny."

"God, may I have a penny?"

18. If you jump of a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

19. Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.