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KalBahamut's April Fools Quiz

No I didn't forget the apostrophe.
Quiz by kalbahamut
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Last updated: October 1, 2018
First submittedMarch 31, 2015
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Answer
Which company invented digital music players and the smart phone?
Apple
Which British national invented the Internet while at CERN?
Tim Berners-Lee
Which country is named for the Qin dynasty?
China
Who was the founder of Christianity?
Jesus
MI6 had a hand in the Paris, 1997 assassination of which member of the royal family?
Princess Diana
Saddam Hussein had an extensive program in the late 90s to manufacture what?
WMDs
He also had ties to which terrorist organization?
AlQaeda
What holiday greetings were invented by secular retailers to undermine the religious aspect of Christmas?
Seasons Greetings
Happy Holidays
What wheat protein found in bread and many other foods commonly causes health problems
in otherwise healthy people?
Gluten
What's a clinical term and other way of saying manic?
Bipolar
Death panels were a provision of what recent piece of American legislation?
Obamacare
What Arabic word is mistakenly believed to mean "holy war"
but actually means a personal struggle for self improvement?
Jihad
In which country is Standard English spoken?
England
What shadowy secret organization are Kanye West, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga members of?
Illuminati
Which busty Hollywood actress was born with male genitalia?
Jamie Lee Curtis
US marines were ordered to "stand down" rather than help defend the American consulate in what city?
Benghazi
Headaches, nerve damage, and assorted other health problems have been found to be caused by
what type of beverage?
Diet Soda
What US law enforcement agency intentionally allowed firearms into the hands of Mexican drug cartels?
ATF
Studies have shown that when acts of violence are perpetrated by non-Muslims,
media outlets are very reluctant to use what term?
Terrorism
+1
level 62
Mar 31, 2015
"The Queen's English", to be precise.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2015
Still not more standard, correct, proper, original, authentic or international than any other variety. But the dialect spoken by the useless monarch that is from the same place as said dialect ? We'll give you that. Thanks for taking the quiz.
+2
level 39
Mar 4, 2016
Pompous American prat.
+1
level 77
Mar 5, 2016
Insult away. You know I'm right.
+1
level 56
Apr 1, 2015
Jamie Lee Curtis busty? Or is that part of the April Fools?
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2015
She's a 34 C. She's not Anna Nicole Smith or Dolly Parton, but, she's pretty curvy I'd say. Especially for an alleged hermaphrodite.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2015
Other things Apple freaks think Apple invented: personal computers, graphical user interface, computer mice, internal modems, the smart watch. Did I miss anything?
+1
level 82
Apr 1, 2015
Sync'd devices, volume control on earphones and of course meeting rooms without chairs.
+1
level 63
Apr 1, 2019
they invented, allegedly, worldwide marketing, product design, new materials and the 100$ headphones. well that last one is probably true.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2019
Nah I had some $100 headphones back in the 90s. They were sweet, though.
+1
level 42
Jun 17, 2015
Manic is definitely not the same as bipolar. "Mania" is only the one of the two conditions of bipolar disorder, depression being the other.
+2
level 77
Jun 17, 2015
Yay, I finally ensnared my first April Fool. Took long enough. Maybe my subscribers are more clever than the average JetPunk user.
+2
level 77
Jul 7, 2015
I should have put something about GMOs on here. Missed opportunity.
+1
level 77
Jul 7, 2015
or Monsanto
+1
level 60
Sep 4, 2015
Well there's an idea for a #2! :)
+2
level 52
Dec 13, 2015
That is the actual meaning of jihad, a personal struggle for self improvement. It is not a misconception
+1
level 77
Dec 14, 2015
Yay. My 2nd April Fool.
+1
level 59
Apr 1, 2016
Most scholars believe it means both. But since you use the phrase "is mistakenly believed to mean "Holy War"", it does qualify as a misconception.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2016
It can be used to mean that, in a metaphorical sense. Sort of the same way we can talk about "the war on poverty" without actually dropping bombs on poor people. But that doesn't change what the word "war" means.
+1
level 55
Jul 14, 2019
no, the Arabic root "jahada" does not mean "war", it means "effort", so here, you're just letting your own personal opinions regarding Islam and religion in general (which are pretty obvious throughout your comments on this website) filter into your quiz.
+1
level 77
Jul 14, 2019
Yay. I caught another one.
+1
level 59
Apr 1, 2016
I've often wondered if Jesus really created Christianity. That's why I'd like to know who did. Do you know or have any sources I could read or something like that?
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2016
of course Jesus did not found Christianity. *If* Jesus was even a real person (there is a growing scholarly minority that believes he was not), then the accounts of his life and teachings that we have tell us that he saw himself as a Jew and as someone that upheld the Mosaic laws. He was claimed to be the messiah of Jewish mythology. He preached that the world was going to end within a generation; he and his followers all believed that it was all going to end before the last of them had died- why would they be trying to start a brand new religion? That would be like waking up to find your house on fire and then running to the store to buy new curtains.
Long after Jesus' death, the gospels and other books of the New Testament were written, many by anonymous authors, and the doctrines of the Christian faith began to take shape. The man who almost everyone agrees was most instrumental in turning the Jesus messiah/apocalypse cult into a religion is Paul the Apostle. Google him.
+1
level 77
Apr 2, 2016
aside: of course, if he wasn't a real person, then he no more founded Christianity than Zeus found Greek pantheism, or Shiva founded Hinduism, and stating that he did is every bit as silly as making either of those claims. Currently the consensus is that the stories were at least based on a flesh and blood man, but in a century or so we may think differently.
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level 51
Apr 17, 2017
'Long after Jesus' death'? You mean...twenty years?
+1
level 77
Apr 17, 2017
If someone died today and noone wrote a single thing about him until 2037, you wouldn't think that was a long time? Also, where do you get 20 years from? Mark was written about 35-40 years after the alleged death of Jesus, and is usually regarded as the oldest of the gospels. Ask yourself, why is it just because something was written 2000 years ago before the birth of such concepts as skepticism, scientific method, fact checking or journalistic integrity does it instantly become infinitely more credible? Can you imagine how little you would regard a claim made today, published by an anonymous author, that there was a messiah that you had heretofore never heard of, who had died in 1977? And while this "messiah" performed miracles, resurrected corpses, walked on water, and came back to life causing earthquakes and zombie hordes etc, oddly NOBODY saw fit to write any of this down in the intervening 40 years? Think of how easy it would be to disregard these claims out of hand.
+1
level 51
Dec 7, 2017
Kal, people did write it down. It's just that not everything lasts two millennia.
+1
level 77
Dec 7, 2017
That's simply unbelievable. There are many many many many records from every province of the Roman Empire from the first century. The were many literate Romans. They were meticulous record keepers. We have many records of very mundane things. And you expect me to believe that of the many astounding and miraculous things described in the Bible we have not a SINGLE extra-Biblical account? Including the sun being blotted out which would have been observable all over the entire planet. That's not just unlikely, it's impossible.
+1
level 51
Dec 11, 2017
There are extra-Biblical accounts; however, if you were present during one of these miracles/hallucinations, you would probably be converted. As to the sun being blotted out, firstly there's such a thing as an eclipse (one of which I recently saw), and secondly according to the Bible God is a supernatural deity, meaning that He doesn't exactly have difficulty making the sun appear normal to people elsewhere.
+1
level 51
Dec 11, 2017
Here's a Wikipedia page listing Biblical characters whose existence has been unambiguously confirmed by secular sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_biblical_figures_identified_in_extra-biblical_sources
+1
level 51
Dec 11, 2017
And this source pays off if you read it through (though it will probably look hideously Christian): http://www.alwaysbeready.com/extrabiblical-historical-sources-corroborate-the-bible
+1
level 51
Dec 11, 2017
Just out of curiosity, have you read anything by (or referencing) Bart Ehrman?
+2
level 77
Dec 11, 2017
I started replying to every bit of nonsense here but I got tired. The fact that no extra-Biblical accounts exist of any of the many miraculous events in the Bible should prove to you that the Bible is false but I'm aware of how powerful denial and self-deception can be.

As to there being extra-Biblical accounts of certain things in the Bible, I never said the ENTIRE Bible was a fabrication. We know Pilate and Herod were real people they are very well documented. We know the Roman Empire was real. We know ancient Egypt was real. We know some ancient Hebrews were held in captivity in Babylon. There is some archaeological evidence for the kingdom of David. None of this proves that Jesus was a real person or that the (contradictory) accounts of his life in the gospels are accurate. If you want to say that it does, then I submit that the existence of New York City proves that Spider-Man is a real person.
+1
level 77
Dec 11, 2017
I'm familiar with Ehrman. I tend to agree with him. I think Jesus was likely a real person. I can see the Bible contains all sorts of obvious fabrications. I assume that the life of Jesus as told in the Bible is heavily mythologized. I see the many obvious contradictions in the Bible, along with historical inaccuracies, additions, errors, etc. I think Ehrman would agree with all these things. I've listened to many of his lectures.
Where we would disagree is I think that he is too quick to dismiss the Jesus mythicists, like Richard Carrier (they hate each other). It's my personal opinion that Ehrman and most historians have a more plausible case, but Carrier's position is worth considering, and even if Jesus were a real person it doesn't change the fact that we have ZERO evidence of this. If he were just a carpenter's son and itinerant rabbi who was executed by the Romans that would be peculiar. If he was a living god who performed miracles publicly, it seems impossible.
+2
level 77
Dec 11, 2017
And finally, all of the above is irrelevant to the quiz. Jesus could have been the living son of God. He could have performed miracles. He could have been executed and then resurrected before ascending to heaven. And he still wouldn't be the founder of Christianity.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2016
Paul never met Jesus. He saw him only in a vision. But his writings may have been the basis for as many as 14 of the 27 New Testament books. Other notable figures in the formation of the Christian religion include Emperor Constantine, whose conversion to and patronage of Christianity changed it from the backwoods cult it was into the dominant world religion that it became, and also led to it becoming essentially a Roman religion; and St Peter, who Christian tradition holds founded the Church (after Jesus' death- another question: how do you found a religion whose central doctrine is salvation through your own death and resurrection, before you have died?), and became the first pope- though, scholars today are also questioning whether or not St Peter was in fact a real person. We know with a high degree of certainty that Paul and Constantine were real people.
+1
level 77
Apr 1, 2016
More include St Jerome (whose Latin bible became "THE Bible"), Athanasius (who invented the doctrine of the trinity), Anthony (who founded the first Christian monastery), and Ignatius (whose 1st century writings influenced early Christian beliefs).

Incidentally Muhammad did not see himself as founder of a new religion, either. Though he did insist that people accept him as a prophet, and tradition has it that he authored the Quran (unlike Jesus who died long before the Christian Bible was written); still he saw himself as following the religion of Moses, Abraham, and even Jesus. It's hard to pin down who played the role most like Paul the Apostle for Muslims in the early days of Islam, as Muslim countries do not have the strong secular academic tradition that Western countries have (and scholarly inquiry into the subject is stymied by blasphemy laws), but we could credit Abu Bakr, who actually had the Koran written down, or Uthman, who had contradictory versions of it burned.
+1
level 46
Apr 1, 2016
There is no such state as England, the country is called the United Kingdom (does that make me April fool no.3)?
+1
level 77
Jun 10, 2016
Yes that's all part of the fun. There's also no such American legislation as "Obamacare." It's the Affordable Care Act.
+1
level 77
Apr 2, 2016
I made a sequel

Though I feel like I might have doubled up on some of the answers QM used before. I did a cursory check but that's all.
+1
level 71
Jun 10, 2016
100%! I feel thoroughly misinformed!
+1
level 77
Jun 10, 2016
congrats. :)
+1
level 45
Aug 29, 2016
Took me a while to 'get' this, but - magnificent. Missed 4. I had forgotten that it had to be *diet* soda, the story that I read (which involved Cheney or Rumsfeld or one of that crowd) was that the NutraSweet turns to wood alcohol, or something like that? I need to find it again and check my 'facts'. Should have got 'bipolar', I guess. Never heard the JLC story. I'm a bit sad that BATF didn't work for ATF.
+1
level 77
Aug 29, 2016
diet soda has been accused of, but never proven to, cause all sorts of health problems. I'm staying with this GMO-hating vegan in Greece right now who thinks the fact that I consume Diet Coke is unconscionable. I find this hilarious as she drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney, but whatever.
+1
level 45
Aug 30, 2016
I'm trying to come up with a kipper-related joke, but it's been a long day. All the parts are there, I'm sure you can figure something out.
+1
level 51
Dec 11, 2017
Not that I think they're evil or anything...but 'season's greetings' and 'happy holidays' feel awkward to me, especially the latter. What other important holidays are there, really, around December? New Year's Day is a lot less important, and Hanukkah is not really the most important Jewish holiday (it's really Yom Kippur).
+1
level 77
Dec 11, 2017
Happy Holidays was originally shorthand for saying "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" though there are many holidays around the time of year, especially on the Catholic calendar. Hannukah was thrown in as an afterthought much later to be more inclusive. Kwanzaa was invented even later for the same reason. If you want you can group in the various pagan holidays that Christmas is based on like Yule and Saturnalia. But the short version is that it is referring to Christmas and New Year's. That's the genesis of the phrase. It was never meant as an attack on Christmas.
+1
level 77
Dec 11, 2017
And "Season' Greetings was always referring to the "Christmas season," so... it actually makes a lot more sense to use this phrase instead of "Merry Christmas".... unless it happens to be December 25th. But now we've got people insisting you start saying Merry Christmas on November 1st. (in the Philippines I've recently discovered they start on September 1st which is even worse... they call these the "'ber months"
+1
level 47
Feb 21, 2018
Jesus wasn’t the founder of Christianity he was the founder of Apple.