Dawn of the JetPunk Empires - Part IX

Geopro's advisor: Ah, sir.... no one has yet replied to your invitation to the world leader's meeting yet.

Geopro: Oh, when was that meeting scheduled again?

Advisor: Um... in 15 minutes, sir

Geopro: Well there's still time then. I'm sure they'll begin arriving anytime now.

Advisor: Whatever you say, emperor...

126 minutes later...

Geopro: Has anyone showed up yet?

Advisor: No. But apparently TNT, MCM, and Aficionado are having their own secret meeting in San Francisco.

Geopro: Fair enough. We'll give it a bit more time, and see if anyone at least replies.

Advisor: What were you going to discuss anyway?

Geopro: I was gonna tell everyone to calm down and not go to war with anyone, unless it is really necessary.

Advisor: What would make it 'really necessary'?

Geopro: I dunno really, I just didn't want anyone to be mad at me, that's all.

34 hours later...

Geopro: I guess they're not coming then.

Advisor: Probably not.

Geopro: I guess I'll just say it in the group chat then.

Geopro tells no one to go to war with anyone unless they have good reason, otherwise there may possibly be consequences. All of the other world leaders ignore the message.

TheNatureThread: Advisor, has anyone arrived yet?

Advisor: Not yet, although it seems that both Aficionado and MiecraftMan, are just arriving.

TNT: Good, please show them into the board room when they arrive.

TNT's advisor nods.

A few minutes later...

Someone knocks on the boardroom door.

TNT: Who's there?

Muffled voice: It's your advisor sir, your guests are here, shall I let them in?

TNT: Yes.

The doors open and Emperor Aficionado of the Greater Indian Empire, and Emperor MiecraftMan of he Veggie Caliphate enter.

TNT: Thank you both for coming. Advisor please leave now. I'm glad you could both come today, despite the inconveniences to your respective kingdoms.

Afc: No problem, TNT, my empire is rich enough to afford to fund space missions galore! It was no issue to come only half-way around the world.

MCM: Yeah, I had to raise the taxes a little to fund the trip, but I told the people it was business and gave them another national holiday and some vegetables, and they were fine after that.

TNT: Excellent! Well I have called you both here today to discuss a possible treaty or even alliance if you will, and I thought this was the best way to do so, given the fact the Veggie's are part of a different alliance than GIE and Chilefornia. So now if you have any initial thoughts or questions given the proposition.

MCM: I think that's a great idea! I really don't want to be forced into a war against Chilefornia or the GIE at all. Will we have to abdicate from our respective alliances?

TNT: I think that would be the smartest, or at least take a more neutral status.

Afc: It sounds tempting, do you have any plans for any more members in the future?

TNT: Not as of yet, unless you would like to, then we could discuss that.

MCM: Is this 'alliance' meant to serve as a way to satisfy our imperial ambitions without major consequences?

TNT: Not really. I still think it may be wise not to go crazy attacking other empires. I don't really think anyone wants a world war, unless there are any warmongers out there.

Afc: A world war would definitely be interesting and entertaining. Especially in this universe of reality.

MCM: True, and I think we and our allies may be strong enough to be undefeatable!

Afc: I still want Vietnam, so I'll try to coax Angbo into surrendering it to me, or else I'll be forced to take it by force.

MCM: I still want Oman from the IU, so I'll do the same thing maybe.

TNT: Ok, but don't go overboard.

MCM: I won't, I promise.

Afc: I won't either, I promise too.

TNT: So can I conclude that you are both in favour of this new alliance?

MCM: Absolutely!

Afc: Yep, I think it sounds good.

TNT: Splendid! Well, that settles it. Would you both sign this piece of paper?

The three leaders sign the paper, and the 'alliance' comes to life.

Random bystander 2 knocks on thegoatisgoaty's bedroom door.

thegoatisgoaty: Who is it?

RB's: It is the random bystanders!

thegoatisgoaty: Yes, what is it?

RB3: We have some exciting news, sir.

RB5: We have just visited the scientists in the huge lab we built earlier.

RB4: It seems they have accomplished the empire's main goal, sir.

RB1: They have discovered a way to resurrect Alexander!

thegoatisgoaty: Wonderful! I'll be at the lab in two hours. Meet me there, so I can witness the grand resurrection.

RB's: Yes, sire, of course.

Two hours later... (at the lab)

thegoatisgoaty: Well, I am super proud that my personally employed scientists have discovered a way to resurrect Alexander the Great!

Scientists: Thank you sire.

thegoatisgoaty: Now, if you will resurrect him for me.

Scientists: Yes, sir, we will just set up the machine.

thegoatisgoaty: How does it work?

Scientists: Well, it all begins when the deoxyribonucleic acid combines with a concoction we have made that consists of nitrogen chloroxide and a highly concentrated solution of hemotop...

thegoatisgoaty: Can you put it in simpler terms for me?

Scientists: Basically we zap him back to life like in Frankenstein.

thegoatisgoaty: Oh, great!

RB1: Sir, the machine is all set up.

thegoatisgoaty: Cool. I'm soooo excited :)

RB's and scientists: Us too, sir ;)

One of the scientists pressed a button, and another placed a large dish full of a pink liquid into a slot in the machine. The machine began to rumble and shake, and then all of the scientists started frantically pushing buttons and pulling levers.

thegoatisgoaty: What is going on? What's wrong?

RB2: Nothing is wrong, this is exactly how we planned it to go.

thegoatisgoaty sighs with relief.

The scientists keep on doing their thing for a few minutes, and slowly, the body of Alexander the Great begins to form. Then the rumbling and shaking stops, and the scientists open a hatch at the top of the machine, revealing the body of Alexander the Great.

RB3: It's done, sir.

thegoatisgoaty: Is he alive?

RB4: It appears not.

thegoatisgoaty: Isn't that the most important part?

Scientists: Yeah, we couldn't figure out exactly how to pull that off.

thegoatisgoaty's face turns a dark shade of red, and steam begins coming out of his ears. Just as he is about to rip into everyone, he is interrupted.

Scientists: We do have an idea though. We may be able to create a fusion between Alexander's body and someone else, effectively making him come to life.

thegoatisgoaty: Well do it then.

Scientists: We need a volunteer.

Everyone looks around for someone to volunteer. Eventually one of the scientists named VeryCoolPerson puts up their hand.

VeryCoolPerson: I'll do it.

thegoatisgoaty: Is it safe?

RB5: It'll either work perfectly, or else it may kill him.

thegoatisgoaty: I'll give you a Macedonian of the Year medal if you do it.

VeryCoolPerson: I'll still do it.

VeryCoolPerson enters the machine, and lies down next to Alexander's body. The scientists start up the machine, and a large bolt of electricity hits the bodies inside. When the machine stops, the scientists open the hatch, and Alexander climbs out. VeryCoolPerson stays lifeless in the machine.

Alexander: You must be the leader of my empire.

thegoatisgoaty: Yes, I am indeed.

Alexander: We shall rule it together. What cities have you named after yourself?

thegoatisgoaty: Um... none yet.

Alexander: Then what are we waiting for? We shall rename Moscow 'Goatiland City', and Minsk shall become known as 'Alexanderville'.

RB's: What about VeryCoolPerson? I don't think he made it.

Everyone makes their way to the machine, and stands for a minutes' silence in remembrance of VeryCoolPerson. Well, everyone except for Alexander. Whilst everyone is trying their best to respect VeryCoolPerson's sacrifice, Alexander couldn't contain himself. Laughter erupted from his mouth, distracting everyone's train of thought.

thegoatisgoaty: What are you laughing at? It's not funny! Someone just died. I must give award him the Macedonian of the Year Medal immediately.

Alexander: No don't worry about the minute silence thing.

thegoatisgoaty: Why ever not?

Alexander: VeryCoolPerson isn't dead!

thegoatisgoaty: What do you mean?

Alexander: I'm VeryCoolPerson. I just changed into Alexander's body when the electricity struck! The experiment worked!

thegoatisgoaty: Experiment? The RB's never told me it was an experiment.

Alexander: Oh, well, it worked. And the amazing thing is, I've somehow got the OG Alexander's great military mind. I know all of the best tactics in battle. Only Napoleon himself could challenge me. Well, if he was alive anyway. And I'll still take that medal if you don't mind.

RB3: But Napoleon is alive!

Alexander: Oh. Well that could be interesting in the future then.

MCM returns from San Francisco to Abuja. He is met by his private investigator - Tamashii7979.

Tamashii: Sir, we set up your international salt & vinegar trade detector, and we have seen some interesting trends.

MCM: Great! What have you found?

Tamashii: Well, there are suspicious levels of salt & vinegar chips being bought in Riyadh.

MCM: Ok, well then I'll found the VCIA (Veggie Caliphate Investigation Agency), as my national spy agency. You, Tamashii, will be the leader.

Tamashii: It would be my honour, sir.

MCM: Awesome. Now go find some government spies and take them to Riyadh. Find out what is going on with the salt & vinegar black market sales.

Independence protesters begin to swarm the street of Seoul and other cities in Korea in droves, with numbers in Seoul exceeding 20,000 people. TNT sees this on the news and immediately deploys a team of investigators to, well, investigate. The investigators report back and inform TNT that the protestors seek independence from Chilefornia, claiming that the empire has little interest in its people in Korea, being governed from San Francisco, thousands of kilometres away.

TNT: Nonsense! I care about the Koreans, well most of them anyway. Go back and find out who the leader/s of the protests are.

Whilst TNT's investigators are investigating the protests in Seoul, thegoatisgoaty has a similar problem in the newly renamed Alexanderville. Thousands of protesters have taken to the streets, claiming the exact same things that the protesters in Seoul did, and demanding independence from Macedonia. TNT and thegoatisgoaty are suspicious that these two almost identical independence rallies are connected, and not a coincidence. They send a joint mission to capture whoever is starting these protests, and almost every other world leader supports this, given they don't want these independence ideals to spread to their own citizens.

After asking around in Seoul and Alexanderville, the investigators discover that a former leader of the once great Korean Empire is behind the protests. He was defeated by the rest of the world, and put into prison somewhere in Middle Earth, although no one really knew what happened to him. TNT organises a strike force, who travel to his villa in Korea, and take him captive back to San Francisco where he undergoes trial for his crimes against the government. Both thegoatisgoaty and TNT subjugate him to their punishments, but this only causes the independence rallies to spread and gain number, until millions a demanding it.

MG17 is relaxing in his personal mansion in Belo Horizonte when someone knocks on the door.

MG: Who is it?

Person: It is the city police chief.

MG: What is it?

Chief: We have been alerted to some international spies lurking around BH. We have just made an arrest of one of the alleged spies. What should we do?

MG: Interrogation! Find out where she is from and why she was sent here.

Chief: Absolutely sir.

The police chief takes the spy to an interrogation hall, and begins the questioning.

Chief: So, first of all, where were you sent from.

Spy: I'm not telling you anything!

Chief: (laughs) We'll see about that.

The chief pulls out a blowtorch and threatens to light the spy's hair.

Spy: Ok, ok. I'll talk.

Chief: That was easy. Well?

Spy: Um... well I'm from um... a different empire to this...

Chief: Who would've thought? A bit more information please miss.

Spy: Um... well we've... I mean I've been sent by the royal command of the leader of my country.

Chief: Go on. What country?

Spy: Um... Liberland?

Chief: That's not a real country. Tell the truth or I'll deploy the blowtorch again.

Spy: (shudders) Um... well the country that sent me is... GrandOldLand?

Chief: Really?

Spy: Um... no... I mean yes... I mean, idk.

Chief: (pulls out blowtorch again) I'll find some persuasive mean to get you to speak up.

Spy: Um... well I'm from GrandOldLand, but not only GrandOldLand.

Chief: Wdym?

Spy: Um... I've been sent by ClutchNferno and JetPunker180. They have joined together their spying agencies and are rapidly gaining information about every country.

Chief: Oh boy. Well thanks for the information, I'll just show you to your jail cell now.

Chief: Sir, the spies are from GrandOldLand and the Empire's Empire. They are spying on everyone together.

MG: Good thing we caught them then. Go find and catch the others.

...

In the jail cell, the spy pulls out a tiny two-way radio from her pocket.

Spy: Come in, over.

Replier: Yes, is that you Agent X? Over.

Agent X: Yes it is, they took the bait.

Replier: Great. Now escape and come back to us. We'll regroup, and then we strike at dawn...

Did I go overboard on the dividers here?

Reporter: Since our last update, many things have happened in this DOTJE universe. First of all, I got a new haircut (I hope you like it). But now onto the more pressing news stories, Chilefornia, GIE and VC have united to form a pact or maybe even a new alliance together. They have all left their respective former alliances, so the question still remains, when will war break out? Alexander the Great has been relived (how will Napoleon react?), and is selling old-fashioned weaponry merch with his signature. The Veggie's are investigating the rapid increase of salt & vinegar chip production and retail in Riyadh. Independence campaigns have arisen in Korea and Belarus, and the ringleader of this fiasco, none other than Dovewing the former leader of the former Korean Empire, has been captured and is awaiting trials by Chilefornia and Macedonia. And something mysterious is happening in BH, where an alleged spy of a conjunction between GrandOldLand and the Empire's Empire has escaped prison, despite being guarded by 12 special militia personnel of the EMG. Here is a summary of the empires...

- The Great Southern Empire:

Capital: Hobart

Biggest city: Jakarta

Countries: Australia, New Zealand (Wellington, South Island and Pavlova), Indonesia, East Timor, United States (Hawaii), Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, France (New Caledonia), South Africa, Tanzania, Azerbaijan, Lunar Palace.

Leader: Emperor Geopro

Population: 459 million

- The Blaze Empire:

Capital: Tehran

Biggest city: Tehran

Countries included: Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Monaco, Spain, United Kingdom (Gibraltar), Syria, Iraq, New Zealand (Antarctica), Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, half of the moon, Qatar.

Leader: His (Great) Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III

Population: 286 million

- Greater Indian Empire:

Capital: New Delhi

Biggest city: Delhi

Countries: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Sri Lanka, Maldives, Comoros, Mauritius, France (Mayotte and Reunion), United Kingdom (BIOT), Madagascar, Norway (Antarctica), Mozambique, half of the moon, Bhutan, Kazakhstan, Seychelles, Azerbaijan.

Leader: Emperor Aficionado

Population: 2.007 billion

- Empire of the Minas Gerais:

Capital: Belo Horizonte

Biggest city: Sao Paulo

Countries: Brazil, Botswana (Chobe National Park), France (French Polynesia), Uruguay, Bolivia, Argentina, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: MG17

Population: 297 million

- The Pacific Empire:

Capital: Suva

Biggest city: Tokyo

Countries included: Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vanuatu, Japan, Tuvalu, New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington).

Leader: FacterLiger0804

Population: 241 million

- The Nauru Empire:

Capital: Gaziantep

Biggest city: New York

Countries: Nauru, Tuvalu, United States (Except for Hawaii, Alaska, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, California, Virginia and overseas territories), New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington), Turkey (Gaziantep), Djibouti, Kuwait, Russia (Crimea), Serbia.

Leader: Afghabwe

Population: 267 million

- The Imperial Union:

Capital: Reykjavik

Biggest city: Kathmandu

Countries: Iceland, Oman, Papua New Guinea, Trinidad and Tobago, Canada (British Columbia), United States (Puerto Rico), China (Tibet), Nepal, Slovakia, Luxembourg, Andorra.

Leader: ZooTuber3000

Population: 58 million

- The Macedonian Empire:

Capital: Athens

Biggest city: Moscow

Countries: Greece, North Macedonia, Bulgaria, Albania, Georgia, Kosovo, Romania, Moldova, Russia (European part except for Crimea), Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, Turkey, Ukraine, Belarus, Israel (Jerusalem), Egypt, Syria, Serbia, Estonia, Netherlands.

Leader: thegoatisgoaty

Population: 437 million

- The Palapyan/Botswanan Empire:

Capital: Palapye/Gaborone

Biggest City: Kinshasa

Countries included: Botswana, Namibia, Zambia, Malawi, Congo, D.R. Congo, Gabon, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Eswatini, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Barbados, Lesotho, Cameroon, Equatorial Guinea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Sudan, Togo, Burkina Faso, Mali, Belgium, Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, New Zealand (South Island), France (Antarctica), Ghana, United Arab Emirates, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: The QuizzerBros

Population: 590 million

- The Vampire Empire:

Capital: Taipei

Biggest city: Ho Chi Minh City

Countries: Taiwan, United States (overseas territories and Virginia), Vietnam, Vanuatu, Venezuela (except Maracaibo), Vatican City, Spain (Valencia), Lithuania, Malta, Russia (Vladivostok), Canada (Vancouver), Mexico (Veracruz), Burundi.

Leader: Angbo

Population: 183 million

- GrandOldLand:

Capital: Nuuk

Biggest city: Luanda

Countries: Canada (Newfoundland, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba), Denmark (Greenland), Angola, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Belize, United States (Wisconsin), Suriname, Paraguay, Germany, Poland, Russia (Kaliningrad), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: ClutchNferno

Population: 265 million

- Chilefornia:

Capital: San Francisco

Biggest city: Mexico City

Countries: United States (California except for Santa Barbara), Mexico (except for Veracruz), Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia, Ecuador (Except Galapagos Islands), Peru, Chile (besides Southern part), Venezuela (Maracaibo), Sao Tome and Principe, North Korea, South Korea, Nigeria (south east coast)

Leader: TheNatureThread

Population: 446 million

National food: Dhokla, Dabeli, Burritos and Tacos

- Republic of Carolina:

Capital: Hamilton

Biggest city: Hamilton

Countries: United States (Carolinas), United Kingdom (Bermuda)

Leader: JackQuizzer

Population: 63 thousand

- The Empire's Empire:

Capital: Juneau

Biggest city: Anchorage

Countries: United States (Alaska), Russia (Siberia), Somalia, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: Jetpunker180

Population: 64 million

- British Isles Empire:

Capital: London

Biggest city: London

Countries: United Kingdom, Ireland, Iceland, Russia (Severny Island), Canada (Baffin Island).

Leader: BigGeographyGuy

Population: 72 million

Vassals: Duchy of Wyvernia (Leader: NiobiumVoid)

- Med-Atlantic Empire:

Capital: Tangier

Biggest city: Milan

Countries: Algeria, Morocco, Mauritania, Senegal, Gambia, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Cape Verde, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Cyprus, France, Portugal, Guyana, Grenada, Ivory Coast, Benin, Italy (except for Elba), Spain (Balearic Islands), United States (Carolinas), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: turnbacktwo

Population: 412 million

- Imperium Sanctus:

Capital: Beijing

Biggest city: Guangzhou

Countries: China (minus southern Tibet), Mongolia, Russia (around Lake Baikal)

Leader: cathlete

Population: 1.402 billion

- Veggie Caliphate:

Capital: Abuja

Biggest city: Lagos

Countries: Nigeria (except south east coast), Armenia, Niger, Greece (Crete), Iraq, Syria, Chad, Eritrea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel (besides Jerusalem), Equatorial Guinea, Ecuador (Galapagos Archipelago), United States (Santa Barbara), Bahrain.

Leader: MiecraftMan

Population: 359 million

Vassals: Apostolic Armenian Empire (Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA)

Viniga Sultanate:

Capital: Jerusalem

Biggest City: Cairo

Countries: Israel, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Yemen

Leader: Sultan Viniga

Population: 0 million

National Food: Salt and Vinegar Chips

Second German Empire:

Capital: Berlin

Biggest City: The Ruhr, Cologne/Dusseldorf or Berlin

Countries: Germany, Russia (Kaliningrad), Poland, Latvia

Leader: Felix1958

Population: 124 million

Middle Earth Empire:

Capital: Unknown

Biggest City: Unknown

Countries: Unknown

Leader: ducklingpanda1245

Population: Unknown

Korean Empire:

Capital: Seoul

Biggest City: Seoul

Countries: North Korea, South Korea, Estonia, Latvia, Ghana, Austria, Poland, Bahamas, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Saint Lucia, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Grenada, Dominica, Barbados, Italy (except for Elba).

Leader: Tigerheart1919

Population: 0 million

Apostolic Armenian Empire:

Capital: Yerevan

Biggest City: Tashkent

Countries: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Ecuador, Iraq, Syria, Serbia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Equatorial Guinea, Namibia, Bhutan, Bolivia.

Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA

Population: 0 million

National Food: Raspberry tarts with rose oil

Grande Empire:

Capital: Half Tree Hollow

Biggest city: Portoferraio

Countries: United Kingdom (Saint Helena), Italy (Elba), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: Napoleon Bonaparte

Population: 25 million

Sawiwi:

Capital: Tímår¬

Biggest city: Tímår¬

Countries: Make believe islands in the Pacific

Leader: Almighty Dhruv

Population: 11 million

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!