Dawn of the JetPunk Empires
Last updated: Tuesday June 21st, 2022
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Sydney, Australia - 10 August 2021
Person 1: Ahh another census night.
Person 2: Sounds like fun.
Person 1: It asks what country we are from. Isn't it obvious we're Australian?
Person 2: (Grinning) Say we're from the Great Southern Empire.
Person 1: (Also grinning now) Ok.
Person 1 writes the 'Great Southern Empire' for their place of residence.
Person 2: What should the capital of the Empire be?
Person 1: Hobart obviously.
Person 2: Yeah! And they own all of Australia!
Person 1: Yup.
Both laugh.
Person 2: Who will be the Emperor?
Person 1: Geopro!
Person 2: Yes!
Person 1: Long live Emperor Geopro!
Person 2: Long live Emperor Geopro!
Damascus, Syria - 11 August 2021
BANG!!!
Person 1: I'm so sick of being bombed all the time!
Person 2: So am I!Person 1: I think it's time we moved.
Person 2: Yeah, same. But where?
Person 1: I wish we could just make a new country where there were no bombs.
Person 2: Yeah same. But how?Person 1: I guess we could give it a go.
Person 2: Yeah, I agree!
Person 1: Let's ask Iran if they want to join!
Person 2: Ok.
Both go for a spontaneous trip to Tehran in Iran. They ask if Iran want to help them out and it is agreed that they will form a coalition and take over Iraq, just because.
Person 1, person 2, and the Iranian army invade Iraq and take it by surprise.
Person 1: We need a leader for our new country!
Person 2: Yeah we do. But who?
Iran: How about.....
The door of the house they were in burst open and someone came in.
Mysterious person: I will be the Great Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III and will rule over this new country!
Person 1, person 2, and Iran all shrug.
Person 1: Then it's decided. This random person who just intruded on our property will be the Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III.
Solomon: You can just call me His Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III if you want.
Person 2: That's great!
Iran: Well I was going to suggest that...
Person 1 (interrupting Iran): We need a name for this new country!
Person 2: Yeah! But what?
Iran: Well maybe....
Solomon: How about the Blaze Empire? That sounds cool!
Person 1: Ok, then it's settled. His Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III will rule over the great Blaze Empire!
Person 2: Hooray!
New Delhi, India - 12 August 2021
Narendra Modi: (Searching through the answers on this JetPunk quiz and looking surprised and frustrated) We have the second highest population of any country in the world, but only the seventh highest land area? That's not fair! We should be second at both! Call in my trusty general Alficionado to lead a conquest and grant us our rightful place on the rankings!
Alficionado enters the room.
Narendra Modi: Ah, my trusty general. You shall lead India to true greatness!
Alficionado: Where shall I lead the Indian army?
Narendra Modi: First conquer the Indian subcontinent and then we shall continue on from there.
Alficionado: (Bowing) Yes sir!
Belo Horizonte, Brazil - 13 August 2021
MG17: Ah, another beautiful day in this beautiful city of BH, in this beautiful state of Minas Gerais, in this beautiful country of Brazil! I think that MG is so great, I will lead it to its independence. Then I will see about controlling the surrounding parts of Brazil. But first things first.
MG17 travels to Brasilia, Brazil. He confronts the Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, and asks for the independence of Minas Gerais. Bolsonaro is lost for words, truly shocked that he is in the presence of the Blog Emperor. Bolsonaro grants MG17 his request and MG17 returns to his home in BH, the new capital of the new nation of Minas Gerais.
Suva, Fiji - 14 August 2021
FacterLiger0804 (FL0 for short): There are so many small countries in the Pacific. Maybe we should unite into one nation.
Palau: Yes, I think that's a good idea! Anyone else in?
FSM, Kiribati, Vanuatu, Samoa and Tonga: Yes, I think so.
Fiji and Palau: Anyone else?
Marshall and Solomon Islands: I suppose if it makes you guys happy.
Fiji and Palau: Nauru? Tuvalu?
Nauru: Nah. I think I will create my own empire! The Nauru Empire ruled by the great Afghabwe!
Tuvalu: Nice idea guys, but I think I'll join the Nauru Empire.
Fiji and Palau: Ok. Maybe we should try to persuade NZ, Philippines, Taiwan and Japan into joining us?
The newly founded Pacific Empire ask these countries if they are in.
Japan: Not yet, but maybe later. We're too focused on the Paralympics right now. Although I do miss the days of controlling the Pacific!
Taiwan: Um, maybe? But China might get angry.
New Zealand: No thank you.
Philippines: Ok. We're in!
The Pacific Empire: Great, we are now a great empire and can bring honour to the Pacific Islands!
Nauru Empire: Good luck Pacific! Us and Tuvalu sure make a great empire!
Reykjavik, Iceland - 15 August 2021
Person 1: Brrruuuhh! It's always so cold here in Iceland!
Person 2: That's why it's called Iceland!
Person 3: It would be great if we owned some land where it is warmer!
Person 1: Yeah, where would it be though?
Person 2: How about..... Tobago?
Person 3: What about..... New Guinea?
Person 1: I was thinking...... Oman!
All three together: What about Tobago, New Guinea, and Oman!?
Person 1 heads to Oman, person 2 heads to Tobago and person 3 heads to New Guinea. All three annex the countries they went to in the name of the Imperial Union.
Athens, Greece - 16 August 20201
Person 1: (Admiring the statue of Alexander the Great) It would be cool to recreate the Macedonian Empire!
Random bystander 1: (Also staring at Alexander) Well, today is your lucky day! My friends and I have been planning to become the modern-day Alexander the Greats for a long time now!
Person 1: How long?
Random bystander 1: A few hours at least!
Person 1: What friends?
Random bystander 1: (Gesturing to to four other random bystanders) These frineds.
Person 1: How long have you been friends?
Random bystander 2: A few days.
Random bystander 3: A few hours.
Random bystander 4: A few minutes.
Random bystander 5: A few seconds.
Random bystander 1: All different times. We met when we were admiring Alexander the Great and then we devised a plan to conquer the land he did!
Person 1: What land?
Random bystander 2: This land!
Random bystander 3: (With eye role) He means this land.
Random bystander 4: (With double eye role) They both mean this land.
Random bystander 5: (Nodding) RB4 is right.
Person 1: Haha! You got me!
RB1: Let's start conquering!
They all cheer loudly.
Gaborone, Botswana - 17 August 2021
Mokgweesti Masisi: It sure is a hot day toady.
Assistant: Yes it is. Would you like some water sir?
Masisi: Yes please. I would go to the beach but unfortunately that's in a different country and the border crossings are too slow to be worth it.
Assistant: (Brings in a glass of water) It would be good if we could own a beach.
Masisi: Yes. Then I could have that beach resort I always wanted. And we could have a functioning navy to make ourselves look more important.
Assistant: That's a good idea, but we would have to persuade Namibia to give us a beach.
Masisi: Ok.
Masisi texts Namibia and asks for a beach.
Masisi: Hey Namibia, can I have one of your beaches?
Namibia: What will I get in return?
Masisi: (Hesitates) In return I will not send my army to take the beach by force.
Namibia: Ok. But only as long as we can have you deserts.
Masisi: Ok. We will have your beaches, and you can have our deserts.
Namibia: (Says to himself) Ok. Good thing I love desserts! I wonder what type they have in Botswana? Hopefully a good lemon drizzle cake, or maybe even a baked butterscotch pudding! I can't wait to have all of their desserts!
Breaking News: All Around the World - 18 August 2021
Reporters: The last week has been probably the weirdest, wackiest, and most eventful in history. Since the 10th of August, multiple new countries, or rather Empires, have been formed. These countries are:
- The Great Southern Empire:
Capital: Hobart
Biggest city: Sydney
Countries included: Australia
Leader: Emperor Geopro
Population: 26 million
- The Blaze Empire:
Capital: Babylon
Biggest city: Tehran
Countries included: Syria, Iraq, Iran
Leader: His (Great) Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III
Population: 139 million
- The Greater Indian Empire
Capital: New Delhi
Biggest city: Delhi
Countries included: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh
Leader: Emperor Aficionado
Population: 1.746 billion
- Empire of the Minas Gerais
Capital: Belo Horizonte
Biggest city: Belo Horizonte
Countries included: Brazil
Leader: MG17
Population: 21 million
- The Pacific Empire
Capital: Suva
Biggest city: Manila
Countries included: Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vanuatu
Leader: FacterLiger0804
Population: 111 million
- The Nauru Empire
Capital: Yaren
Biggest city: Funafuti
Countries included: Nauru, Tuvalu
Leader: Afghabwe
Population: 23 thousand
- The Imperial Union
Capital: Reykjavik
Biggest city: Muscat
Countries included: Iceland, Trinidad and Tobago, Papua New Guinea, Oman
Leader: ZooTuber3000
Population: 16 million
- The Macedonian Empire
Capital: Athens
Biggest city: Athens
Countries included: Greece
Leader: thegoatisgoaty
Population: 11 million
- The Palapyan/Botswanan Caliphate
Capital: Palapye/Gaborone
Biggest City: Gaborone
Countries included: Botswana, Namibia
Leader: The QuizzerBros
Population: 3 million
The United Nations has organized to hold a summit in New York City on the 25th of August to discuss the matter of these new countries that have suddenly and randomly formed for no apparent reason.
The Narendra Modi part was especially funny.
If you want I could make a map of the territories of these countries to keep track, but I don't know how to put them in the comments.
(sorry for the late comment ^-^)