An American tourist asks a Muscovite, "Why is it that no matter how sick he was, Brezhnev always visited other countries and Andropov, sick or not, never leaves the country?"
"That's very simple," answers the Muscovite. "Brezhnev operated off of batteries. Andropov plugs into the wall socket."
Brejnev / brezjnev / brezhnev
Yeltsin / Eltsine / Ieltsine
Gorbachev / Gorbatchev
Cyrillic transcription ain't an exact science
Andropov: somewhat bald
Chernenko: somewhat hairy
It doesn't change the answers either, because Lenin was the leader of the Soviet Union for a little more than a year.