Quotes & Jokes
Last updated: Tuesday September 28th, 2021
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Quidquid latine dictum, altum videtur.
→ Whatever you say in Latin immediately sounds witty.
- Anonymus
[on the telephone] This is Mr. Davis, I forgot my mantra.
- Jeff Goldblum in "Annie Hall"
It reminds me of that old joke- you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that's how I feel about relationships. They're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs.
- Woody Allen in "Annie Hall"
Ultra posse nemo obligatur.
→ You cannot force people to do more than the possible.
- §275.2 & 3 Bundesgesetzbuch (German law)
Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say.
- Edward Snowden
No one has ever become poor by giving.
- Anne Frank
Son: "When I grow up I want to be a pilot" Mother: "Well honey, you have to decide, you can't have both"
- a pilot
The Holy Roman Empire was in no way holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.
- Voltaire
Don't believe everything you read on the internet.
- Abraham Lincoln
Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is the monster.
- Anonymus
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
- Samuel Johnson
Jimmy: "Do you like fish sticks?" Kanye: "Yes" Jimmy: "You're a gay fish!" Kanye: "No I'm not!" Jimmy: "Don't you get it?" Kanye: "Of course I'll get it, I'm a genius, just give me a second to analyse it"
- Jimmy from "South Park" (paraphrased)
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell (paraphrased)
Sometime they’ll give a war and nobody will come.
- Carl Sandburg
Kyle: "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!", others: "You bastards!"
- South Park
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Mark Twain
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Non scholae, sed vitae discimus.
→ We learn not for school, but for life.
Seneca
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Wall Street indexes predicted nine out of the last five recessions.
Paul Samuelson
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Ex nihilo nihil fit
→ From nothing comes nothing
Anonymus, although many take credit for it
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Cogito, ergo sum!
→ I think, therefore I am!
René Descartes
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Exceptio probat regulam
→ The exception proves the rule
Cicero
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Qui multum habet, plus cupit
→ Who has much wants more
Seneca
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So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.
William Shakespeare, Sonnet 18
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Stress is, when you always know what day it is
me
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People aren't wicked or noble. They're like Chef's salads. Good things and bad things chopped up and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict
Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto
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Non est vivere, sed valere vita est.
→ Life is not to live, but to be healthy.
Martial
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The man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them; inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer to truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods & errors.
Thomas Jefferson
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Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde
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What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
Romeo in "Romeo and Juliet" by William Shakespeare
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Any sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice.
Combination of Clarke's Third Law and Hanlon's Razor
(Keep this in mind when listening to the President talk.)
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(1) 1993 January 31, Wausau Daily Herald, A fighting spirit: Area activist pays the consequences by David Wahlberg (Wausau Daily Herald), Quote Page 3A, Column 5,Wausau, Wisconsin. (Newspapers_com)
This one's from Gandhi.
- Marek Aureliusz
- Marek Aureliusz
- Benjamin Franklin
- Leonardo da Vinci
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau
- Theodore Roosevelt
A Series of Unfortunate Events (Netflix Series)
"have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it."
salvador dali
"be yourself, everyone else is already taken."
oscar wilde
"Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he's got it all."
james brown
"here, you're just another apple, but in japan, you're an exotic fruit. which is rare there."
Kramer
"patience is bitter but it's fruit is sweet."
aristole